Shock.  Faint.  I can hear you fall on the floor from here.  “But I love what I do.”  Me too.  But just because you CAN do something doesn’t always mean you SHOULD.

I understand this is one of those “swing the pendulum really far the other way” type approaches.  I know this because even though I think it’s a good idea, at the end of the day I haven’t decreased what I am doing.  This has become a must for me because the “to do” list never goes away.  It will never go away.

Part of me takes great comfort in having things to do.  Part of me longs for the freedom to just live (and btw, do along the way).  Heck, when I really think about it, half the things I do aren’t all that significant anyway.

I submit the following piece of scripture which haunts me, partially because I know it is true and has the potential to be liberating.  Partially because it pierces me for the truth it speaks of my own heart:

What do you benefit if you gain the whole world, but lose your own soul?  Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:26

Is anything worth more than your soul?  What is the cost of doing everything you do (and most of us are far from “gaining the whole world” through our many efforts)?  Is it worth it?

Undoing the do-er #1: Do less.

So, pretty much everyone knows I am a “do” machine.  In some ways, it’s ok – it’s how I am wired.  In some other ways, it’s a sickness, driving me to always set to task, sometimes simply to accomplish ANYTHING.  As I’ve wrestled with separating myself from what I do, I have come to learn a lot about myself.  One thing I have come to realize is that I desire to not define myself by what I do.  Rather, I want what I do to flow from who I am.  See the important distinction?

Henri Nouwen says that believing “I am what I do” is one of the three main things that keeps us from believing we are God’s beloved.  So, instead of accepting that God loves us, we strive to prove and earn God’s love by accomplishing for His sake.

Oddly, I don’t believe this lie because of what anyone else says.  It’s not that I hear friends, family, or coworkers telling me i must DO.  No, it is ME that says that – much more difficult to counteract!  And, I logically know this isn’t true.  But, the untruth lies embedded deep in my heart, resistant to being rooted out.

So dear readers, what do I do?  How can I embrace the truth that I am God’s beloved simply because He loves me?   I need not earn this love.  I don’t have to prove my “lovability” – to God or anyone else.  I have some thoughts, which I will share.  But waht would you suggest?  Again, I don’t need Bible verses.  I know those – at least in my mind

We find it absolutely necessary to make time to be alone with God.  Some like to spend this time in silence.  Others like to process.  Some need a walk in the woods.  Whether you are introverted or extroverted, you need time alone with God – to listen, to talk, to dream.

While this is true for everyone, there are some things about our life that makes it particularly important:

• living in community
• being in a cross-cultural setting
• the overwhelming amount of physical need around us

We all pretty much agree on the importance of solitude. But apparently, others haven’t integrated this into their normal rhythm.  This is evidenced by the general state of anxiety most people live in AND two of the reactions I got as I told people I was taking a retreat for the weekend.

Response 1: “I hope you find what you are looking for.” [well, time with God...]
Response 2: “What are you trying to run away from?” [people???]

Actually, just trying to get some concentrated with God.  Is that so strange???

Near the end of 2005, two of our apprentices discovered a souvenir shop near the Hartbeespoort Dam.  This is the area that we go to and take others for African souvenirs.  But, many don’t like the hassle of bartering, standing in the sun for hours, etc.  So, this shop that Deric & Amber found seemed like a God-send.  It’s is owned and run by a family.  They take credit cards.  They have a building.  They have EVERYTHING.

If you have bought souvenirs while being with us over the past few years, you have been to Just Africa.  We’ve developed a good relationship with the family, particularly me with the husband, Asharaf.  They’ve given us really great deals, particularly because we come in so often and sometimes buy in bulk (like the drums for the recent NieuCommunities Conference).  They’ve even returned items that our shoppers have left at their store (sweaters, journals) on previous trips.

Asharaf and I have been talking for a while about having lunch together.  Then, the last time I was in the shop, he mentioned that he had bought another house, and if I even needed a place to stay, let him know.  So, when I needed a place to stay for this retreat, I called him and he said yes!

So, that’s where I stayed Friday – Sunday.  I wish I had taken my camera, because it was great.  Not fancy great, but ideal for a retreat.  It’s surrounded by trees and there is a herd of springbok who saunter buy several times per day.  Also, it was semi-furnished: table & chairs, kitchen stuff, beds, etc.  But, bare enough to save me from distractions.  And, it’s in one of my favourite nearby out-of-town spots – Hartbeespoort.

Thank God for friends with extra houses   More on the retreat itself in the next few days…