Stewart 5

My wife Melissa is demonstrating an amazing amount of maturity these days.  I am both in awe and frustrated!  Here’s why…

As many of you know, we are finishing up our sabbatical.  Entering our last months, we are making multiple decisions – big ones, small ones, and many that open up a multitude of other decisions. These decisions relate to where we will be, what we will be doing, when… little things like that   So, important stuff.

And the PROCESS of these discussions and decisions is as telling as the results.  We are giving some of the work we and God have been doing in our lives and marriage a pretty good exercise.  How is our intimacy, how is our trust, can we say what we think, can we hear things we don’t like from one another, can we apologize?

I have to admit, I am a little more anxious than Melissa to get these conversations and decisions happening.  And although I wish we knew everything yesterday, I am proud that she is committed to waiting until she is confident in some things before moving forward.  Frustrated a bit, but proud.  She is bringing her strengths of thoughtfulness and discernment to our shared process.  And as I was telling a friend on the phone the other day, in watching her process I am reminded of a very good maxim… Seek the Giver.

back-story: when I was growing up in church, one of the principles that always came up when talking about spiritual gifts (those ways God supernaturally empowers people to serve) was, “don’t seek the gifts, but the gift-giver.”  In other words, don’t get overly-fixated on these specific gifts God can give (essentially a self-centered approach). Instead, seek God, and let His Spirit give gifts as God deems appropriate (see 1 Corinthians 12).

This came to mind as I was saying how one of the ways Melissa is discerning God’s desire is by being involved in a local Bible study on Jesus.  She isn’t only sitting with God and asking, “should we move to X?” every day.   Instead, she is connecting well with God, for the sake of their relationship alone.  I’m pretty confident that as she does, God is and will speak to those specifics because God loves her and knows they are important questions.

Thank you beloved for this reminder.  So glad to be doing this with you!

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I am cautious to identify too closely with Jesus (at least in writing).  Though I theologically believe we absolutely are meant to connect with Jesus – one could argue a primary purpose for his time on earth was to live the life we are meant to live – I know it makes some people a little nervous.  “Yes, but that was JESUS.”  Or, “You think you are suffering, think of Jesus…”  Yes.  Agreed.  But do you ever read his story and say to yourself, “I know exactly what that’s like”?  This has been one of those weeks.

Let me back up about 40 days.  Entering Lent, I really wanted to slow things down to make more time for prayer.  So, I adjusted my schedule and very intentionally went about some specific practices that I find helpful.  In general, this has been good.  I HAVE had more time for prayer.  I HAVE had good time with God, learned quite a bit, and generally feel alright about where we’re at.

But the rest of life seems to have become increasingly beyond my control.  I’ve been frustrated in slipping behind on much of what I’d like to get done.  I feel pulled in too many directions.  I’m even stuck in determining which roles and responsibilities are most important.  This past week, I pretty much hit the wall.  Fortunately, I had opportunity to talk with some friends about how I was feeling and determined to NOT grab too tight on the reins.  That’s what I do when I get stressed out – I spend at least 5 hours  reorganizing my schedule and adjusting my responsibilities to gain a sense of control.

Partially by volition and partially by circumstances, I didn’t do that this week.  Instead, I took a quick look at my to-do list, determined what was most important/had to happen, and did it.  Yes, I was still aware of all the things I wasn’t doing and probably wouldn’t get to.  I wish I could say I just put those all out of my mind.  But God was gracious with me in His strange way and kept me occupied with things enough that I couldn’t dwell on everything else too much.

Then, as we got to the later part of the week, I was hearing from others around me that they were feeling the same way.  Interesting, I thought this was MY problem.  Then I thought back to last year at this time and realized that I pretty much felt the same way then.  AND, so did others around me.  Now, part of this has to do with our NieuCommunities cycle.  This is the time of the year when life and commitments really begin to pick up.  On top of that, relationships within our community are reaching those interesting points of diving into conflict.  Further, we do a couple extra things for Holy Week, so the schedule also has a bit more than normal.  Overall, this leads to a busy feel about life.

Thank God for the aforementioned Holy Week.  On Friday morning I couldn’t help but think of Jesus and the week he was having!  Talk about having a few things going on around you.   Truly, my situations pale in comparison to what he was facing.  Did he feel out of control (like me)?  People everywhere, last days, big decisions, struggle.  How did he do it?

Enter the Holy Spirit.  The comforter, burning fire, whispering wind.  Jesus, I think, was in control to the extent of letting the Holy Spirit guide.  Does that make sense?  Jesus wasn’t OUT of control in the sense of being some God-controlled robot or simpleton.  BUT, he did listen and willingly allow God’s Spirit to show him what was best.  I think it was actually an upside-down show of strength [of character] to NOT force his own will, to not hold onto the reins too tightly.  He chose to trust God and blow the way of the Spirit.  Not my will, but yours be done…

To live neither in full control, nor out of control, but guided by the Spirit.  This is what I need.  To be in step with God’s Spirit anywhere near as much as Jesus was would be crazy, right?  And amazing.  I wonder if there’s also not a strange peace in that place?  I’d like to know, even a bit.  Holy Spirit, take me there – I need you to take me there.

O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me, for you do what is right.
Turn your ear to listen to me;
rescue me quickly.
Be my rock of protection,
a fortress where I will be safe.
You are my rock and my fortress.
For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.
Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,
for I find protection in you alone.
I entrust my spirit into your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.

-Psalm 31:1-5

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Over the past years, I have discovered that I love to connect God in “traditional” ways.  Incense, candles, and liturgy all remind me of the majesty of mystery of God.  They also make me feel connected to other believers world-wide in worship.  Thank to my friend Myra Perrine for helping me put words and practice to this unique way God has created me.

I have especially come to appreciate praying the hours.  This basically entails, in sometimes varying form, praying at set times during the day.  Different traditions (Orthodox, Catholic, Anglican, etc.) each have their way of honoring this tradition.  Last year, I got turned on to The Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle.  She has organized set prayers for 4 times of day: morning, midday, vespers (evening), and the night office.  Each time has psalms, prayers, and scripture to be read.  If you are a little wary of “scripted prayers,” let me say that it is also liberating to get to be immersed in so much scripture!

I’ve begun reading this with several friends around the globe.  Each has reported that it has been very helpful to pray with more regularity and speaking out scripture.  As we’ve begun our 2009 NCSA apprenticeship, I think a few may join us in regularly praying this way together.  I love that I can join friends in prayer this way.  Wonder if you’d also like to do this with us?  The books are easy to get (there are 3 books for the year) and pretty inexpensive.  let me know if you’re interested or if you haev questions.

You might also enjoy a website we created last year that posts prayers and creeds that you can say on a daily basis.  Easy to subscribe!

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I love many of the traditional Christmas hymns.  Though oft’ difficult to sing, the lyrics are powerful and full of great truth.  Tonight, in singing O Come, O Come Emmanuel, I am reminded of many who are in true need of Christ:

the hungry

the homeless

the sick

the impoverished

the lonely

the rejected

the war-torn

the displaced

the orphan

the lost

Especially for these – the ones I know & the countless I don’t

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

This is my prayer today.  Appear, come, ransom your people

Amen.

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