A while back, Arthur Paul and I came up with a creative assignment for him. He chose songs for each person in our family, then wrote about why he chose the song and how it connects to them. Sort of a creative way to express love and affirmation. I did not help him except to suggest they types of things he might want to consider in choosing a song – a highly abstract yet personal task. After long hours spread over a few months, he got it all finished and shared with the family. It blew us away. Lots of laughter and tears. Here’s what he came up with (video of the song + what he wrote to each of us):

Mairin

Mairin, I chose this song for you because you are a pretty carefree person and not many people get to experience what is listed in the song, but you’re experiencing things as adventurous as this like: chasing butterflies, sliding on ice, living in a house that we got smoke out of, and lots of other things.
The tempo makes you feel like you’re in a flowery garden or a rain swept forest, a perfect place for a girl like you to explore!

Love your older bro. A.P.S. III

Iain

http://www.theparlotones.net/

The meaning/words mainly affected my choice for your song because the words/meaning is about people’s imagination in many different ways from Dragonflies to Astronauts. The tempo and feeling just reminds me of you in sooooooooooooooooo many different ways. Like the times you pretend to be a puffle, my dog, even my cat. It connects with you because you just have such a colossal imagination and it feels like the singer is talking about you.
Love, your older bro.
A.P.S. III

Melissa

http://www.aradhnamusic.com
(this is a beautiful sanskrit worship song about Jesus)

The line “Full of delightful qualities, yet beyond comprehension.” Reminded me of you because you have the great qualities such as: patience, love, compassion, focus, never ending energy, and of course you being a great cook!
The tempo is slow, but speeds up like the events happening in your/our lives.
I think it connects with you because these are all adjectives describing the person you help people to know.

Love, your oldest son
A.P.S. III

Arthur (dad)

http://www.itsmorrisseysworld.com/index.php

The tempo makes me feel like if you had a guitar solo it would be like this
I think this song connects with you because like in the song you have parts of you from different cultures.
Your oldest son,
A.P.S. III

Great job Arthur Paul.  We all felt love and valued by the time and heart you put into this on our behalf.

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I have so much to say about identity right now, but wanted to start with Jesus’ baptism.  This bit of scripture has been super-powerful in my life this past year.  Was reading this with my kids tonight (from Mark’s Gospel) and really paused at the words God said: You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.

Oh, to hear these words!  You are mine, I love you, I am pleased with you.  What more could a child want to hear?  What more could I want to hear?  I love you for YOU.  How much of my life has been spent trying to earn such praise, or harden myself to withstand NOT feeling it?  This is not to say that my parents did not/do not love me.  They do!  But some part deep in me just isn’t attuned to this message.

I want my children to know they belong, are loved, and I am pleased with them.  Tonight I told this to each of them.  Can i ever say it enough?  And I also told them that I want the way I act toward and with them to say the same.  I don’t want my words and actions to be different.  Sure, I won’t get it right all the time.  But I think if they see and know my heart, they’ll know the truth.  And I’m learning to lean in heavy with my heart, and hold the particulars loosely, instead of the other way around.

In the process, I am reclaiming m own identity, hearing God say to me: You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.  May you hear the same!  It changes everything, and I believe everything needs changing.

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Iain has decided to create a new language.  I’m not actually sure why, but it’s been really fun to hear his creativity.  His brother suggested the language be called UNA.  “A combination of UN and USA.”  I have no idea what this means or why you would call a language this??  This morning I was informed that he is now calling it IAINESE.

Here’s what he has written down so far:

Kangaroo is a “Jumping Horse”

Horse is a “Lucky Donkey”

Monkey is a “tree cat”

Tennager is “Teenagarian”

My favorite word, which he actually used in a sentence tonight without pausing or forcing it: Hugantic.  Feel free to drop that one into conversation and credit your friend Iain.

Now, if we can only channel his powers for good…

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I think I may have actually got it right with my daughter yesterday.  Mairin (age 5) was home from school sick.  She was busy playing dress up and I was getting some things ready for lunch.  I walked into the living room and she was about to cut the ankle ties from one of her pretend ballet shoes because she couldn’t get it to tie correctly.  I stopped her and showed her another way to tie the shoe, bringing a smile.  I asked if she wanted me to tie her other shoe, but she said no, holding it behind her back….somewhat suspiciously.  I asked again, she said no again, so I went back to the kitchen.

She then came into the kitchen to show me that she had put her other shoe on herself.  “Can you help me tie this one?, she asked.  I bent over to tie the shoe and the ribbon came off on my hand. “I cut it off, but I glued it back on.”  Ummm, well obviously you DIDN’T glue it back on, because it is in my hand.  I could feel the anger rising up in me.  First, because she had cut apart her shoe.  Marin tends to make permanent decisions like this on the spot.  Second, she had hidden the fact that she had done this when I asked her.

So here I am, doubly angry at my daughter.  I say something along the lines of, “Mairin, you CAN’T cut up your things.  You’ve ruined your shoe.  The tie doesn’t work anymore.  I can’t fix this for you.  Why do you do this to your things?”  And I’m wondering, what else do I say, what do I do?  And she looks at me with these sad eyes.  Not, “I’ve been caught” eyes, but sad.  Sad for disappointing me.  Wondering what I will do in response.

And I realize, what else do I need to say?  She knows she messed up her shoe – why tell her again?  Is heaing condemnation on her going to change her bahoavior, or just make her feel bad about herself and further from me?  And actually, yes, I can (maybe) fix this.  So I stopped myself.  I had her give me her shoe.  I went and got our sewing kit.  I toid her that I thought I could fix it, sat down next to her, and started sewing.  [note: I did a bit of needlepoint as an adolescent - dont ask].  As I did, we talked, she organized some of her things, and I fixed her shoe.

Neither of us left the scene angry at the other.  When I finished, she said, “thank you daddy,” and gave me a hug.  I helped her put on and tie her shoe.

This is not meant as a yeah me.  It’s much more of a PRAISE GOD I think I got it right.  And as much as it reflects what God is teaching me about parenting and expressing love, it has all the more to do with my understanding of His love for me.  He does not condemn me, His beloved child.  He does not heap shame on me when I do wrong.  I don’t need to hide, or try to cover up my failing.  He loves me and fixes it.  And it makes me love Him all the more.

May I know this in my heart, believe it to be true for me, and share this same love with others.  May we all….

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Our beautiful princess is 5 today.  What a joy!

We love you Mairin

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In talking about how we parent our children, John Coe says that our primary responsibility is not to disciple our children. Rather, it is to model the love of God to them. Obviously, these are not mutually exclusive goals. However, which is our primary mode of operation? I know that as one who teaches, discipling my children comes to mind first when I think of parenting. But I think that love more easily leads to discipleship than the other way around, don’t you?

I have committed to loving my children better this year, so, I started to think more about what the love of a father can look like. How can I love my children in a way that models God’s love? I thought of:

• time
• affirmation
• challenge
• fun
• dreaming
• forgiveness
• unconditional with regards to achievement
• loving even when/especially when they have fallen short

Not an exhaustive list, but a good start! But I know myself enough to know that these are all CONCEPTS. I need to make them more tangible if I am to put them into actual practice, which is obviously my goal. So, I then started jotting down examples of what each of these could look like – little pictures and stories. Something like:

TIME:
coming home early from work to be with you, taking you to practice and watching from the sideline, listening to your story about school today, cuddling in the hammock, watching the sunset or staring at the stars together

I can do those! What if I decided that this week, I will do one of those with each of my children? To you, that may sound small and highly pragmatic. But I know that if I’m not intentional, I am less likely to do it. Plus, doing small is better than not doing, right? Of course, this has the potential of becoming habit, and spawning more and more ideas. And in the process, I think it will be good for my own heart and soul, not just theirs. They win, I win, God wins.

So, here’s where you can help. I would love your ideas/suggestions. Partially because I am lame at these sorts of things. Also because I think there are lots of you out there with great ideas So, I would like to take them one at a time over the next few blog posts.

First up, what are some examples, stories of your own success, or ways that I can love my children by giving them TIME? I’m looking for concrete things here, not general categories. PLEASE COMMENT WITH AS MANY THINGS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST. I appreciate your help.

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Done at Preschool yesterday.  I love these, especially the various expressions and hair colours!

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“If I saw the Grim Reaper, I’d be scared to death.”

yes, he said this the other day.  this is just too good to be made up

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spoken by Arthur Paul this evening.  In his case, it was in reference to his current location in a video game.  But, classic and insightful nonetheless.

Do you ever feel like that?  I do.  This is my life.  So many twists and turns.  Many good and memorable people and things.  But how did I get here – where am I?  Sort of like when you are driving and suddenly realize that you haven’t really been paying attention.  You’re in the right place, just not sure how you did it.

Part of it has to do with perspective.  We’re the fish in the tank.  Of course we don’t see ourselves from all the angles.  Our finite limitations keep us in the moment, narrow, and often self-absorbed.  And we probably couldn’t handle seeing much more than we do – too many factors to take in.

It is so good though, isn’t it?  I don’t know where i am, but I’m glad I got here.  I hope you are glad for where you are right now.

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yesterday we were driving to the gym.  waiting at the robot (traffic light), all the guys selling things came walking by.  the smaller boy asked, “why don’t they sell things that people want?”

the older boy chimed in, “yeah, what about petrol (gasoline)?”

this is a great idea!  imagine, you are sitting at the robot (traffic light) and realize you are running low on petrol (gasoline) and there is a person RIGHT THERE to top you up. they could charge you nearly anything and you would pay simply for the convenience.

the boy is a genius.  don’t steal this idea.  we need the money.

see you at the corner…

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