Stewart 5

I haven’t written nearly as much as I had intended to about our sabbatical.  I guess part of the reason is that there was so much that was shaping that it’s hard to sit and write it out.  Also, I have hesitated to say, “I have learned or changed…” until I can see how much I have really learned and changed.  And like always, I am only now realizing some of what God taught us now that I can look back a bit.  Fortunately, I have had some really good reflection opportunities lately and I wanted to share a tiny bit about one aspect of my sabbatical experience.

I think one reason for my sabbatical was DISCIPLINE.  Now, being that I am offline and have no dictionary as I write this, I don’t know what the dictionary definition of discipline is.  But I would define it as doing something that is good for you and teaches you something.  Often, it doesn’t feel good or you don’t want to do it.  Sometimes, it is imposed on you.  But in each case, it involves doing something that in intended to have positive effects.

It takes discipline to practice basketball lay-ups every day.  They stop being fun after a while, but they are an important skill to master.  It takes discipline to NOT eat that second piece of chocolate cake.  Why do you do it?  Because you want the good results of not doing it.  You get my point.  Doing something that is good for you.  Now, in all the examples I can think of, the joy doesn’t come in the discipline of the thing, but in the result of it.  Wondering if you can think of a scenario where the disciplined part is its own reward, rather than what occurs as a result?  I mean, being a disciple of Jesus (intentionally learning from him) seems pretty good.  Except the “you will be persecuted” and “you must die” parts that he promised…  And PLEASE don’t get me wrong – I am NOT saying that something MUST be bad/hard/unpleasant to be good for you.

Discipline, of course, just seems so negative.  I can think of three reasons for this.  First, we associate it with the hard things that must be done to achieve something we want.  It’s the “must.”  And don’t we all dislike being obligated to anything these days?  Second, in the midst of discipline, we often lose sight of (or don’t know/understand) the purpose.  And then it can seem pretty bad.  Why am I doing this again???  Third, we often think PUNISHMENT when we hear discipline.  “We had to discipline our son for saying that.”  Again, I am not a linguist and I don’t have my dictionary, but I think the difference between these two is that punishment isn’t necessary intended to have positive affects.  It is intended to show you that you have something wrong.  Theoretically then, the same action could be a matter of either discipline or punishment, depending on its intention.  Fine line, I know.  Were things like the Exodus and Exile in Scripture matters of punishment or discipline (or both) – probably depends on who you ask.

I think one reason for my sabbatical was discipline.  It was meant for my good.  Honestly, I went back and forth on whether I was enjoying the time.  I questioned what God was doing.  And like I said, I still don’t know all that God was teaching me or wanting me to experience.  But I accept that it was for my good.  God knows what is best for me and I am thankful.  And I thank God for what is different in my life as a result.  Negative perceptions that are changed/ing, relational patterns that are improved/ing, renewed passions, better understandings.  Not perfect.  Not done.  But restored.  From discipline.

I can also say that one significant question for me during my sabbatical was: will I do what I need to do – what God asks – even though there aren’t job or relational requirements to do so?  In other words, will I do the right thing just because?  This doesn’t mean not taking input.  Indeed, it means CHOOSING to listen instead of having to.  The working out of this was discipline in and of itself.  And now that we are back in South Africa and moving into a new season of life and ministry, I am so thankful for having to process that question.  Because we are listening to God as we submerge into this new place and pretty much have to do the right things, and lots of hard work, without job or relational requirements telling us what to do!  Not perfect on this one.  But I am glad that God stretched that muscle (and dealt with a lot of other related issues) with we were in California so that I can be more the person He wants me to be now.

The discipline NOW is to continue with the good things He was working on with me.  I haven’t arrived.  Still lots of learning and practicing.  But I thank God that I am becoming  more and more the person He has designed me to be in the process.  This is indeed something good for me, with the ultimate in positive effects.

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This post is part of a synchroblog on “Big Tent Christianity” in preparation for the conference by the same name in September.  The idea comes from the big revival tent – one where we all fit.  In considering my own hopes for the church – one without division and internal rivalries – more than one type of “big tent” came to mind.  I hope this short story sparks your imagine for what could be…

It all started in the springtime, the father told his daughter.  You know the time of year – when the flowers come back from their winter slumber and our creek grows from a trickle to a current worth talking about.  Seems like spring is when things always change around here.

I remember this particular year like it was just yesterday.  Us kids woke up one morning to the sounds of hammers hard at work – coming from both sides of town no less.  Without washing up or eating breakfast, we ran out the door half-dressed to see what was making such a commotion.  And what did we find?  Right next to the hospital- before they had the parking lot – was a huge tent.  They were busy pulling it up as we arrived.  What a sight!  We had never seen anything like it.  That is, until we remembered that we had also heard a racket coming from the other side of town as well.  So we picked our jaws up off the ground and high-tailed it all the way past the train tracks to near the graveyard.  And what did we find?  To our utter amazement – anther big tent.  How could this be?  Two mysterious tents appearing in our town on the same day.

Now as you might imagine, we were stupefied by this sudden invasion of our town.  We quickly ran back home to see if our parents knew anything about these two mysterious tents.  “Yes,” my father said.  “There’s something in the paper this morning,” and he handed me the new section.  The headline read: Circus in town  “The circus!” my brother and I shouted in delight.  We’d been eagerly waiting for circus to arrive – was it here already?  “Yes, but what about the other tent?” I asked.  My mother called from the other room, “oh yeah, that one’s mentioned on the back page.”  I flipped the paper over and saw a picture of the tent we had seen and caption underneath: church revival meeting this week.

We didn’t know it then, but we’d visit both of those tents that week.  Now the first tent – the one by the hospital – was the church tent.  We were too small to know it then, but every year the big tent would arrive.  All the religious folk would go there every night and hear some man from out of town in a fancy suit talking about heaven.  There was lots of singing (they all seems to know the songs), clapping (and sweating!) and at the end of the night people would raise their hands and everyone else would pray for them.  Problem is, we knew those people.  And the rest of the week, they weren’t dressed up all nice and singing.  They were yelling at us kids: “sit down, be quiet, don’t do that.”  And they were the ones who ran the Wilson family out of town after we all found out what their papa did.  Now don’t get me wrong – they weren’t all bad.  But they weren’t all good either.  And to this day I can’t understand why they don’t seem to get along with one another.  Aren’t they supposed to follow the same God?  Our folks took us to that tent the second night they were in town and we sang the songs and then sat quietly with our hands in our laps while the man in the fancy suit talked about Jesus.  Then we went home and that was that.  We never really talked about it after that.

But the circus, now that’s another story altogether.  It was a child’s dream.  We had begged our parents all year to take us to the circus when it came to town and we were almost delirious when the night finally arrived.  You could hear music coming from the big top as we drove up, inviting you into the magic inside.  And it seemed that every kid in town was there, dragging their parents toward the opening to try and get the best seats.  And inside – oh, it was wonderful.  People laughing and oohing and aaahing and cheering.  Colored lights, spot lights, balloons, sirens.  They had three separate rings going – each with a different act.  How could you decide which one to watch?  They were all so amazing!  There was the flying trapeze and a tightrope walker.  A woman danced with a real live bear.  A man was inside a cage with an African lion.  I saw twenty people stacked in a pyramid.  And clowns everywhere!  They tickled the babies, thew confetti on the teenagers, piled what seemed to be about twenty into the smallest car you’ve ever seen.  It was fun, surprising, and terrifying all at the same time.  Each new sight was more amazing than the last.  Every act played a role in creating and calling us into the most fantastic reality we could imagine.  You could tell the performers simply loved their art and were glad to be part of such an amazing show.  We all loved it – young and old -  there was something for everyone.  I’ve never forgot that night.

The day the circus left town, all the kids followed on their bikes as far as the interstate.  We didn’t want them to go, for the magic to end.  We thought that when the circus left, everything would go back to the way it had been.  But that’s when the magic really took over.  You see, the circus hadn’t just entertained us, it had inspired us.  And every kid in town now wanted to be in the circus.  That’s when I started my juggling.  And you know how your uncle Mark can do flips?  He learned that from the circus!  And a group of girls put up that old swing over the river so they could practice to be trapeze artists themselves.  And of course you know that old Emory went to Africa to find lions and never did come back.  I guess you could day the circus taught us how to really live.  And every year when the circus came back, we were all there – watching, learning, laughing, and trying it ourselves at home.

“But daddy, why didn’t the circus just stay?  Why did it have to leave and only come back once a year?”
You know, I used to ask myself that.  I always hated the day the circus left town…. until you were born.  And then I realized that there were other boys and girls in other towns who wanted to see the circus too.  They were also waiting all year for the circus to come.  It had to leave us to give them a turn.  I’ll bet they love it just as much as I do.  And besides, the circus never really leaves.  Only the big tent leaves.

“And what about the other tent… the church one?”
I don’t know.  Either they stopped coming to town or people just stopped going to their tent.  They never could compete with the circus.

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An update from the Stewart family, intrepid travelers now returned to South Africa’s shores.  What has this past month brought about and revealed?

First, the pragmatics:

• We arrived back to South Africa on 3 June
• We spent a week and a half in Pretoria (where we had lived since 2003 before our recent sabbatical in California) visiting and reconnecting with friends there, saying goodbye to several who are headed different directions.
• We spent a week and a half in Port Elizabeth with our friends Sean and Jean Daly.  This was the beginning of our exploration in South Africa of what “might be” as far as life and ministry on the ground.  We were also able to attend a world cup soccer match!
• We drove to Cape Town on 24 June.  We have been exploring neighborhoods, meeting with people, and seeing if God confirms this as the place we are to settle for now.

When we left California, we went with a sense that Cape Town is where God wanted us to be.  Our picture of how this was going to look has changed significantly enough over the past year and a half that we wanted to put ourselves on the ground, ready to listen to God again.

We have three big questions we are asking in this discernment process:

1. First, is this where we think we should BE – do we hear God’s call, do we feel at home, can we see ourselves flourishing here as a family?  Are we hearing God invite us
2. Second, what is it that God has for us to DO  – what unique opportunities open up, fit well, excite us (especially in light of what we have experienced and learned about ourselves during our recent sabbatical)?  We’ve had lots of ideas and people in mind, and we want to see what changes or materializes once here.  In other words, God has given us pictures – now how will they become more clear?  What things in our hearts will God fan into flames?  So, we are beginning to get together with people and ministries to see what we might be part of, partner with, or start here!
3. And the final question – how is that going to work pragmatically – who will we work with and for, how will we get paid, etc.?  We know that if this is where God wants us, it will mean something new as far as our organizational commitments.

We are stepping into a pretty big unknown for us.  But it’s our best attempt to respond to how we hear God’s Spirit’s leading.  We trust that God will guide, clarify, and provide as we continue to seek Him.  I would also point out that the above questions are in an important order.  They have kept us focused on asking questions of HOME first.  While staying at a wonderful but temporary (and small) house here in Cape Town, we have been spending lots of time looking at houses and neighborhoods.  Place is important as it will be our primary context of love, rest, and ministry.  God wants us to “be” here before we can “do” here.  Also, we have been paying a lot of attention to our family and being healthy and settled before committing to work-related tasks.  We’ve begun to see what life here will be like – places to play, school, and other daily life stuff.  I believe God is pleased with these being our priorities and has graciously allowed us to experience quite a bit in such a short amount of time.

As a result, I can tell you that we think the answer to Big Question #1 is YES, Cape Town is where we think God wants us to be for now. Within the next few weeks we will share more on what exactly that means, and our thoughts and explorations of Questions 2 & 3.  I can say that some great opportunities (both anticipated and unexpected) have already begun to surface and we are excited for what God will continue to invite us to.  In the meantime, we are starting our kids in local school and looking for a house to rent.  We haven’t got it all figured out yet, but we’re really excited!

Please pray for us:

• that God would provide the right house in the right neighborhood and that we can move in by the end of July
• for the process of moving our things from Pretoria, getting settled, meeting new neighbors
• for the kids starting in a new school, new routines, new friends
• that God would open our hearts to the people and things He has for us and discernment as we consider our new roles and how this is all going to work
• for protection – spiritual and physical – as we live and share God’s love and ways here

Please be patient with us.  We’ll keep you in the loop as much as we can, but there are lots of questions that we are still asking – important questions.  With inconsistent internet and unsettled housing, it’s a little hit and miss as far as communication right now, but we’ll do our best to keep you updated as we go.

Please continue contacting, encouraging, supporting, and loving us – all crucially important as we begin something new.  We are thankful that YOU would take time to care for us and believe in what God is doing in and through us.
may we all be amazed with God at work,

Arthur for the Stewart5

Arthur & Arthur Paul at the Ivory Coast v. Portugal world cup match

Mairin and Melissa visited the orphanage where Mariah Breitenberg volunteers.  Mairin has also recently lost her two front teeth but we didn’t seem to have a great pic…next time

The boys attended a 1-week cricket camp.  Both did great and Iain won a special award for his “dedication to the game of cricket”

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A heart is a fascinating thing -
It can be hard or strong or bitter.
It can be tender or soft or generous.
it can be several (or all?) of these at the same time!

Do you also find hearts to be complex, mysterious, even confusing?  Certainly true when it comes to others.  Often true when it comes to ourselves…  What I do know is that my heart is important.  It’s the core of who I am and it’s the only one I’ve got.  In the Biblical book of Proverbs, it says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (4:23).  I’m learning to do this.

Most of my life, I have guarded my mind.  I have fed it, trusted it, protected it.  This is a very important part of who I am.  However, I have often neglected my heart as a result.  In a way, I have not allowed my heart to do it’s job.  And, I haven’t guarded it well.  I don’t think “guard your heart” means to build walls around it.  Guard, in that case, sounds defensive and reactionary.  Seems like if you do that, it can’t be “the wellspring of life.”  How can a well nourish anything if it’s all walled up?  I am speaking from a bit of experience on this…

Rather, I think that in this case, “guard” really means to watch and protect.  Watch and protect your heart, for your life flows from there.  Watch for the things that would harm your heart – people, situations, etc.  In my case, I have been reflecting on the untrue things I sometimes believe that “attack” my heart.  And, how can I prepare myself better to deal with them?  Personally, I need to remember who I am so I am not easily affected by other messages that come my way and can be ok with my own limitations.

Hearts are precious.  I think they are a primary way we reflect the God who created us, and are the places we most deeply connect with God.  We have given our lives to helping people find/uncover/unbind their hearts and encouraging their development and expression.  That’s not a bad way to describe what we’ve been doing the past several years in South Africa and why we are preparing to head back.  It’s also what our sabbatical has been all about: reconnecting with our own hearts and giving them room to breathe and re-ignite.  I thank God for this opportunity to focus on this all-important process.

We appreciate all of you who have prayed and encouraged our hearts so much in this season.  Our hearts, and those of our children, feel more healthy.  These eternal hearts are important to me and to God.  Your heart is important too.  Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

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My wife Melissa is demonstrating an amazing amount of maturity these days.  I am both in awe and frustrated!  Here’s why…

As many of you know, we are finishing up our sabbatical.  Entering our last months, we are making multiple decisions – big ones, small ones, and many that open up a multitude of other decisions. These decisions relate to where we will be, what we will be doing, when… little things like that   So, important stuff.

And the PROCESS of these discussions and decisions is as telling as the results.  We are giving some of the work we and God have been doing in our lives and marriage a pretty good exercise.  How is our intimacy, how is our trust, can we say what we think, can we hear things we don’t like from one another, can we apologize?

I have to admit, I am a little more anxious than Melissa to get these conversations and decisions happening.  And although I wish we knew everything yesterday, I am proud that she is committed to waiting until she is confident in some things before moving forward.  Frustrated a bit, but proud.  She is bringing her strengths of thoughtfulness and discernment to our shared process.  And as I was telling a friend on the phone the other day, in watching her process I am reminded of a very good maxim… Seek the Giver.

back-story: when I was growing up in church, one of the principles that always came up when talking about spiritual gifts (those ways God supernaturally empowers people to serve) was, “don’t seek the gifts, but the gift-giver.”  In other words, don’t get overly-fixated on these specific gifts God can give (essentially a self-centered approach). Instead, seek God, and let His Spirit give gifts as God deems appropriate (see 1 Corinthians 12).

This came to mind as I was saying how one of the ways Melissa is discerning God’s desire is by being involved in a local Bible study on Jesus.  She isn’t only sitting with God and asking, “should we move to X?” every day.   Instead, she is connecting well with God, for the sake of their relationship alone.  I’m pretty confident that as she does, God is and will speak to those specifics because God loves her and knows they are important questions.

Thank you beloved for this reminder.  So glad to be doing this with you!

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I am attending this conference for the next few days in Claremont.

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Why “theology after Google”?

Progressive Christian theologians have some vitally important things to say, things that both the church and society desperately need to hear. The trouble is, we tend to deliver our message using technologies that date back to Gutenberg: books, academic articles, sermons, and so forth. We aren’t making effective use of the new technologies, social media, and social networking. When it comes to effective communication of message, the Religious Right is running circles around us.

Hence the urgent need for a conference to empower pastors, laypeople, and the up-and-coming theologians of the next generation to do “theology after Google,” theology for a Google-shaped world. Thanks to the Ford funding, we’ve been able to assemble a stellar team of cultural creatives and experts in the new modes of communication. We are also inviting a selection of senior theologians, and well as some of the younger theologians (call them “theobloggers”) whose use of the new media (blogging, podcasts, YouTube posts) is already earning them large followings and high levels of influence. For two and a half days, in workshops and in hands-on sessions, in lectures and over drinks, these leading figures will be at your disposal to teach you everything they know.

Excited to be with like-minded people and exercise my thinking a bit.  Must also admit I’m wondering how this conversation can stretch beyond academics and the “haves” of this world.  Will the playing field really be leveled by our postmodern reality, or further stratified by technology and wealth?  My presupposition coming in is that people WANT to be more active and include the whole body of Christ in formation and theology,  but will probably attempt to do so using new means that are not any more effective than the old ones.

They are streaming the conference

Stay tuned for posts from the conference…

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Melissa and I have never been one of those couples who consistently spend time praying together each evening.  Don’t panic!  Yes, we pray – together and alone… often.  But it’s never been a scheduled every day practice for us.  Anyone else out there in this category??

It’s been one of those areas that both of us have wanted to change.  And for years we’ve talked about it, tried all sorts of different ideas, and remained frustrated with ourselves that we couldn’t do what we actually wanted.  However, like a lot of other areas in our lives and relationship, we’re taking advantage of our sabbatical to make a change.  Change takes time to sink in, but it requires us to make consistent decisions one day at a time.

During Lent (the Church season leading up to Easter), we are committing to doing a short meditation together each evening.  We are using a resource produced by Church Resource Ministries (our missions organization).  We think this will help us establish a new rhythm, a new habit, that we want to be part of our lives.

If you are like me, it’s easy to over-plan, over-commit, and give up too soon.  That’s why I like having something we are both excited about that is do-able.  Wondering if you have things you would like to be [more] part of your life?  Doesn’t have to be something spiritual.  Can you start with something small like we are?  Would love to encourage you any way we can, so feel free to send us a message and let us know!

btw, if you are interested in CRM’s Lent devotional, you can signup online to receive the daily reflections via email here – http://www.crmleaders.org/lent/

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I’m learning to live better in the time/space between… aka “now.”  This is a strange place for me.  I tend to clarify and plan for what is ahead, then move toward that.  “Without a vision, the people perish.”  Generally, this is an acceptable practice.  However, I find that I can be too focused on what lies ahead, ignoring or minimizing the present (especially when it doesn’t fit with the future I see).  Further, it is easy for people to become secondary to plans.  Never my intention, but too common when I get so focused on the future that  achieving it becomes my only aim.

Part of what makes my sabbatical so good for me is the necessity to live in the now.  Yes, this time will end and we will move into the next season soon enough.  And yes, we will have to do certain things – even make a few plans – to begin the next adventure.  But for now, I am living where I am.  Spending lots of times with my wife and kids.  Seeing friends.  Reading.  Resting.  Getting caught up.  I believe all this and more will indeed prepare me for what’s next.  But I’m not doing all this SIMPLY TO GET READY, as if this is only a means to an end.  It is all good for what it is.

Hear me – I’m not just biding my time or waiting until something better comes along.  I am enjoying each day for what it is.  True, it’s not my dream place or situation.  But there is so much I CAN enjoy.  I am reminded of when Jesus ascended to heaven in Acts 1 and his disciples were looking into the sky where he had disappeared.  Two men in white (angels?) appeared to them and said, “men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky?”  In other words, get on with life.  Not because Jesus isn’t coming back.  He is.  But there’s a lot of life to be had in the meantime.  Don’t just wait around for the future to arrive.

Every day matters:

• a habit can change
• a word can lift someone’s spirits
• an accident can be prevented
• something big can be accomplished
• decisions can be made that affect everything else
• a million moments take place that will never come again

God wants us to live now.  Yes, there’s forever too.  But it doesn’t start when we die.  It’s starts now.

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Doing anything new with the start of 2010?  On one level, I am looking at this year as an opportunity to start everything new…. moving to a new city, loving my wife and children as if for the first time, new ministry.  But on the very specific level, I am committing to read the Bible through again during the year.

I am severely restricting the making of new plans for my life because I generally do that too much.  I make plans.  I have sets of plans, often overlapping.  I have so many plans that I take a stab at several and succeed at few.  And they are all good plans!  Then I feel bad that I am not following through with all my good plans…

Furthermore, I am realizing how much I lean toward always adding new things, never stopping negative things.  I have a friend who says that all of life is starting some things while stopping others.  The Bible describes this as putting off and putting on (Ephesians 4).  I like the putting on part – fits with planning.  Problem is, you can’t keep adding and adding without making room AND getting rid of the stuff you don’t want.  It’s like having a bucket with some sediment in the bottom, and thinking that if you keep adding more and more of what you want, it will push the bad stuff out.  It doesn’t work that way though!  You have to get that crap out – my mechanic calls this a system flush.  You can’t just keep adding radiator fluid.  At some point, you have to clean out the whole system to eliminate the dregs.

I know this, but I don’t do it enough.  I need to.  In a way, this is one of the things God is doing in my life during this sabbatical – helping me clean out all the junk.  Not just adding new good stuff, but doing the hard work of rooting/tearing out what needs to go.  Sometimes painful – yes.  But cleansing and good.  I think this is one aspect of “working out your salvation” as the Apostle Paul calls it (Philippians 2).  There is work to be done – work of making ourselves available to our loving God to change us.  And often this change means getting rid of the things that get between us, Him, and our destiny.

I see it with my children more easily than myself.  I can see what they need to stop doing in order to start doing the better thing.  I am learning to better identify this in myself, and respond to others who help me to do the same.  I am sad that this doesn’t come more naturally for me, or that I don’t more readily embrace the input of others.  God has put so many people into my life that can aid in the process, and I still seem to resist at times.  But I am growing.

I am also facing the disconcerting (frightening?) truth that the great joy in life I have always craved doesn’t come through my schemes, but through a much more simple, humble, unassuming life.  This would seem to require cleaning house, wouldn’t it?  So for now, this is what I am committed to.  Yes, God has put a few pictures into my mind, and I am excited about what is ahead.  But I am holding these loosely and avoiding working out all the specifics…. at least for now

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Due to my self-imposed ban on new book purchases and my family’s voracious reading appetite and therefore constant trips to the library, I decided to look up some books from my Amazon wish list on the Fresno County Public Library’s website.  I scored on this one – It’s Really All About God: Reflections of a Muslim Atheist Jewish Christian by Samir Selmanovic.  This book was published in September 2009 and I just got to read it for free from the library!  I have to tell you, I liked it so much I am going to buy it.

I will spare you a book-report-style summary except to say the book relates the author’s journey of faith, focusing especially on family, culture (he is originally from Croatia), and religion.  Each of these are significant and Selmanovic weaves these throughout his book so well that I can only ask that you read the book to hear his heart for and in each.  We also find the postmodern pillars of the call to embrace God and honestly face our uncertainty at the same time, not making our own religion an idol in place of the God our religion follows, and the value each religion can bring when we enter into meaningful dialogue.  While these are no longer revolutionary ideas to me, the author does a good job of providing relevant story and insight to these fundamental concepts.  You’ll have to read the book for all this good stuff.

The 2 parts that I DO want to talk more about are areas that have challenged my own heart.

The first is a fundamental question to my faith (and I suppose all others), but one that we spend too little time attending to, or answer too quickly.  Q: What was Jesus promising to his followers?  If you’ve been involved in this Christianity thing for a while, you recognize that your answer to this question might differ from what you first believed (or were taught.  When you read Jesus, he talks about being without a home, seeing disruption in the state of our relationships, being persecuted…The author says it this way of Jesus… “Follow me and you might be happy – or you might not.  Follow me and you might be empowered – or you might not.  Follow me and you might have the answers – or you might not.  Follow me and you might be better off – or you might not.  If you follow me you might be worse off in every way you use to measure life.  Follow me nevertheless.  Because I have an offer that is worth giving up everything you have” (p. 210).  My experience would agree with Selmonovic’s reading of Jesus’ call.  What does Jesus say we will get from following him?  Learning to love well.

Would you trade everything in exchange for learning to love?  I am haunted by this question for several reasons.  First, I do not love as well as I would like.  If that is the point, what have I been doing instead?  Not that doing it perfectly is the validation, but it should at least be a main focus.  Loving God, loving my wife, my kids, those I am responsible for, those I work with, the needy right in front of me.  There is no shortage of opportunity!  Do I see each person as an opportunity to learn to love? AND, am I helping others in the same pursuit?  Are my means of discipleship, training, mentoring, or simply relating actually helping others learn to love well????

I want this to be true – more true of my life.  I feel like I am on this path, especially right now during our time of Sabbatical.  What does it mean to remain on this path regardless of place, job, or other responsibilities?  What I love about this call is that it deals with life now.  My focus is not on a reward that comes later.  Rather, it has affect on my life, and the lives of others, now.  I need this.

The second part of the book that relates quite a bit to some of what God is teaching me concerns how we go about “doing.”  This is very significant to me as I learn to separate my sense of value, being loved, and identity from what I accomplish.  In a sense, it’s basic and I would espouse and teach that.  But I am only BEGINNING to truly believe and live by this truth.  The author, also a vocational minister, relates that ever since becoming a Christian, he has been taught to give, love, minister, care.  This is what we are supposed to do, right?  So, he asks, why isn’t this working?  “Since we have been teaching and acting in our Christian churches to love others and to organize others and to organize our lives to love others, how curious, I thought, that polls report that non-Christians perceive Christians as not loving!  How can that possibly be?” (p. 240).  His answer speaks right to me.  We don’t really love because we don’t know how to receive.  In other words, we are not willing to let others affect us, especially in areas (like about God) that matter.  We like to give because givers are in control.  We bless because blessers are in control.  “To receive, on the other hand, means to lose something.  Everyone wants to teach and no one wants to learn.”

For me, I can only be in a position to receive when I don’t equate my value with what I do.  How could I?  If what I know, accomplish, and teach is what gives me my identity, how could I possibly take myself out of the driver’s seat?  And so, as I am learning (again) who I am (and am not), I can be with you and just be.  I can hear.  I can learn.  I can change.  Heck, I can RELATE without trying to fix you.  I want that, and am pretty sure that you do too.  So, when I am with you, I give you permission to check that.  Am I with you, or just trying to “help” you?  I feel like God is really teaching/changing me.  I hope you experience me more this way and invite you to let me know how I am doing.

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