My wife Melissa is demonstrating an amazing amount of maturity these days.  I am both in awe and frustrated!  Here’s why…

As many of you know, we are finishing up our sabbatical.  Entering our last months, we are making multiple decisions – big ones, small ones, and many that open up a multitude of other decisions. These decisions relate to where we will be, what we will be doing, when… little things like that   So, important stuff.

And the PROCESS of these discussions and decisions is as telling as the results.  We are giving some of the work we and God have been doing in our lives and marriage a pretty good exercise.  How is our intimacy, how is our trust, can we say what we think, can we hear things we don’t like from one another, can we apologize?

I have to admit, I am a little more anxious than Melissa to get these conversations and decisions happening.  And although I wish we knew everything yesterday, I am proud that she is committed to waiting until she is confident in some things before moving forward.  Frustrated a bit, but proud.  She is bringing her strengths of thoughtfulness and discernment to our shared process.  And as I was telling a friend on the phone the other day, in watching her process I am reminded of a very good maxim… Seek the Giver.

back-story: when I was growing up in church, one of the principles that always came up when talking about spiritual gifts (those ways God supernaturally empowers people to serve) was, “don’t seek the gifts, but the gift-giver.”  In other words, don’t get overly-fixated on these specific gifts God can give (essentially a self-centered approach). Instead, seek God, and let His Spirit give gifts as God deems appropriate (see 1 Corinthians 12).

This came to mind as I was saying how one of the ways Melissa is discerning God’s desire is by being involved in a local Bible study on Jesus.  She isn’t only sitting with God and asking, “should we move to X?” every day.   Instead, she is connecting well with God, for the sake of their relationship alone.  I’m pretty confident that as she does, God is and will speak to those specifics because God loves her and knows they are important questions.

Thank you beloved for this reminder.  So glad to be doing this with you!

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Melissa and I have never been one of those couples who consistently spend time praying together each evening.  Don’t panic!  Yes, we pray – together and alone… often.  But it’s never been a scheduled every day practice for us.  Anyone else out there in this category??

It’s been one of those areas that both of us have wanted to change.  And for years we’ve talked about it, tried all sorts of different ideas, and remained frustrated with ourselves that we couldn’t do what we actually wanted.  However, like a lot of other areas in our lives and relationship, we’re taking advantage of our sabbatical to make a change.  Change takes time to sink in, but it requires us to make consistent decisions one day at a time.

During Lent (the Church season leading up to Easter), we are committing to doing a short meditation together each evening.  We are using a resource produced by Church Resource Ministries (our missions organization).  We think this will help us establish a new rhythm, a new habit, that we want to be part of our lives.

If you are like me, it’s easy to over-plan, over-commit, and give up too soon.  That’s why I like having something we are both excited about that is do-able.  Wondering if you have things you would like to be [more] part of your life?  Doesn’t have to be something spiritual.  Can you start with something small like we are?  Would love to encourage you any way we can, so feel free to send us a message and let us know!

btw, if you are interested in CRM’s Lent devotional, you can signup online to receive the daily reflections via email here – http://www.crmleaders.org/lent/

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A while back, Arthur Paul and I came up with a creative assignment for him. He chose songs for each person in our family, then wrote about why he chose the song and how it connects to them. Sort of a creative way to express love and affirmation. I did not help him except to suggest they types of things he might want to consider in choosing a song – a highly abstract yet personal task. After long hours spread over a few months, he got it all finished and shared with the family. It blew us away. Lots of laughter and tears. Here’s what he came up with (video of the song + what he wrote to each of us):

Mairin

Mairin, I chose this song for you because you are a pretty carefree person and not many people get to experience what is listed in the song, but you’re experiencing things as adventurous as this like: chasing butterflies, sliding on ice, living in a house that we got smoke out of, and lots of other things.
The tempo makes you feel like you’re in a flowery garden or a rain swept forest, a perfect place for a girl like you to explore!

Love your older bro. A.P.S. III

Iain

http://www.theparlotones.net/

The meaning/words mainly affected my choice for your song because the words/meaning is about people’s imagination in many different ways from Dragonflies to Astronauts. The tempo and feeling just reminds me of you in sooooooooooooooooo many different ways. Like the times you pretend to be a puffle, my dog, even my cat. It connects with you because you just have such a colossal imagination and it feels like the singer is talking about you.
Love, your older bro.
A.P.S. III

Melissa

http://www.aradhnamusic.com
(this is a beautiful sanskrit worship song about Jesus)

The line “Full of delightful qualities, yet beyond comprehension.” Reminded me of you because you have the great qualities such as: patience, love, compassion, focus, never ending energy, and of course you being a great cook!
The tempo is slow, but speeds up like the events happening in your/our lives.
I think it connects with you because these are all adjectives describing the person you help people to know.

Love, your oldest son
A.P.S. III

Arthur (dad)

http://www.itsmorrisseysworld.com/index.php

The tempo makes me feel like if you had a guitar solo it would be like this
I think this song connects with you because like in the song you have parts of you from different cultures.
Your oldest son,
A.P.S. III

Great job Arthur Paul.  We all felt love and valued by the time and heart you put into this on our behalf.

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I have a number of things I have half-written recently.  These include insightful cultural observations, humorous anecdotes, heart-warming family moments, what I’m learning, what we’ve been up to, and updates on what’s next for us.  I really want to get a bunch of these posts/articles/emails finished because they are important to me (and I think to many of you).  But…

• I usually have my best ideas either in the shower or at the gym – both places where I can’t write anything down as it crosses heart or mind
• I have talked about aspects of all of these with enough people that I don’t want to sit down and recap for everyone else
• I can be a bit of an idealist/perfectionist, so I want to consider every angle and put in every thought related to what I am writing about
• I’ve been struggling to sit and write – too many other things to do!
• I only have self-imposed deadlines, so it is easy to keep putting them off

BUT, I  want to get some of these off my to-do list AND really do need to get some of this on paper – for my sake and yours!  So, you can help me, dear reader, by sending me a message/email/comment along the lines of, “I would really like to hear about…” or “what was that thing you mentioned related to…”  Yes, I am asking for a bit of external motivation

thank you!

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I’m learning to live better in the time/space between… aka “now.”  This is a strange place for me.  I tend to clarify and plan for what is ahead, then move toward that.  “Without a vision, the people perish.”  Generally, this is an acceptable practice.  However, I find that I can be too focused on what lies ahead, ignoring or minimizing the present (especially when it doesn’t fit with the future I see).  Further, it is easy for people to become secondary to plans.  Never my intention, but too common when I get so focused on the future that  achieving it becomes my only aim.

Part of what makes my sabbatical so good for me is the necessity to live in the now.  Yes, this time will end and we will move into the next season soon enough.  And yes, we will have to do certain things – even make a few plans – to begin the next adventure.  But for now, I am living where I am.  Spending lots of times with my wife and kids.  Seeing friends.  Reading.  Resting.  Getting caught up.  I believe all this and more will indeed prepare me for what’s next.  But I’m not doing all this SIMPLY TO GET READY, as if this is only a means to an end.  It is all good for what it is.

Hear me – I’m not just biding my time or waiting until something better comes along.  I am enjoying each day for what it is.  True, it’s not my dream place or situation.  But there is so much I CAN enjoy.  I am reminded of when Jesus ascended to heaven in Acts 1 and his disciples were looking into the sky where he had disappeared.  Two men in white (angels?) appeared to them and said, “men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky?”  In other words, get on with life.  Not because Jesus isn’t coming back.  He is.  But there’s a lot of life to be had in the meantime.  Don’t just wait around for the future to arrive.

Every day matters:

• a habit can change
• a word can lift someone’s spirits
• an accident can be prevented
• something big can be accomplished
• decisions can be made that affect everything else
• a million moments take place that will never come again

God wants us to live now.  Yes, there’s forever too.  But it doesn’t start when we die.  It’s starts now.

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Doing anything new with the start of 2010?  On one level, I am looking at this year as an opportunity to start everything new…. moving to a new city, loving my wife and children as if for the first time, new ministry.  But on the very specific level, I am committing to read the Bible through again during the year.

I am severely restricting the making of new plans for my life because I generally do that too much.  I make plans.  I have sets of plans, often overlapping.  I have so many plans that I take a stab at several and succeed at few.  And they are all good plans!  Then I feel bad that I am not following through with all my good plans…

Furthermore, I am realizing how much I lean toward always adding new things, never stopping negative things.  I have a friend who says that all of life is starting some things while stopping others.  The Bible describes this as putting off and putting on (Ephesians 4).  I like the putting on part – fits with planning.  Problem is, you can’t keep adding and adding without making room AND getting rid of the stuff you don’t want.  It’s like having a bucket with some sediment in the bottom, and thinking that if you keep adding more and more of what you want, it will push the bad stuff out.  It doesn’t work that way though!  You have to get that crap out – my mechanic calls this a system flush.  You can’t just keep adding radiator fluid.  At some point, you have to clean out the whole system to eliminate the dregs.

I know this, but I don’t do it enough.  I need to.  In a way, this is one of the things God is doing in my life during this sabbatical – helping me clean out all the junk.  Not just adding new good stuff, but doing the hard work of rooting/tearing out what needs to go.  Sometimes painful – yes.  But cleansing and good.  I think this is one aspect of “working out your salvation” as the Apostle Paul calls it (Philippians 2).  There is work to be done – work of making ourselves available to our loving God to change us.  And often this change means getting rid of the things that get between us, Him, and our destiny.

I see it with my children more easily than myself.  I can see what they need to stop doing in order to start doing the better thing.  I am learning to better identify this in myself, and respond to others who help me to do the same.  I am sad that this doesn’t come more naturally for me, or that I don’t more readily embrace the input of others.  God has put so many people into my life that can aid in the process, and I still seem to resist at times.  But I am growing.

I am also facing the disconcerting (frightening?) truth that the great joy in life I have always craved doesn’t come through my schemes, but through a much more simple, humble, unassuming life.  This would seem to require cleaning house, wouldn’t it?  So for now, this is what I am committed to.  Yes, God has put a few pictures into my mind, and I am excited about what is ahead.  But I am holding these loosely and avoiding working out all the specifics…. at least for now

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Due to my self-imposed ban on new book purchases and my family’s voracious reading appetite and therefore constant trips to the library, I decided to look up some books from my Amazon wish list on the Fresno County Public Library’s website.  I scored on this one – It’s Really All About God: Reflections of a Muslim Atheist Jewish Christian by Samir Selmanovic.  This book was published in September 2009 and I just got to read it for free from the library!  I have to tell you, I liked it so much I am going to buy it.

I will spare you a book-report-style summary except to say the book relates the author’s journey of faith, focusing especially on family, culture (he is originally from Croatia), and religion.  Each of these are significant and Selmanovic weaves these throughout his book so well that I can only ask that you read the book to hear his heart for and in each.  We also find the postmodern pillars of the call to embrace God and honestly face our uncertainty at the same time, not making our own religion an idol in place of the God our religion follows, and the value each religion can bring when we enter into meaningful dialogue.  While these are no longer revolutionary ideas to me, the author does a good job of providing relevant story and insight to these fundamental concepts.  You’ll have to read the book for all this good stuff.

The 2 parts that I DO want to talk more about are areas that have challenged my own heart.

The first is a fundamental question to my faith (and I suppose all others), but one that we spend too little time attending to, or answer too quickly.  Q: What was Jesus promising to his followers?  If you’ve been involved in this Christianity thing for a while, you recognize that your answer to this question might differ from what you first believed (or were taught.  When you read Jesus, he talks about being without a home, seeing disruption in the state of our relationships, being persecuted…The author says it this way of Jesus… “Follow me and you might be happy – or you might not.  Follow me and you might be empowered – or you might not.  Follow me and you might have the answers – or you might not.  Follow me and you might be better off – or you might not.  If you follow me you might be worse off in every way you use to measure life.  Follow me nevertheless.  Because I have an offer that is worth giving up everything you have” (p. 210).  My experience would agree with Selmonovic’s reading of Jesus’ call.  What does Jesus say we will get from following him?  Learning to love well.

Would you trade everything in exchange for learning to love?  I am haunted by this question for several reasons.  First, I do not love as well as I would like.  If that is the point, what have I been doing instead?  Not that doing it perfectly is the validation, but it should at least be a main focus.  Loving God, loving my wife, my kids, those I am responsible for, those I work with, the needy right in front of me.  There is no shortage of opportunity!  Do I see each person as an opportunity to learn to love? AND, am I helping others in the same pursuit?  Are my means of discipleship, training, mentoring, or simply relating actually helping others learn to love well????

I want this to be true – more true of my life.  I feel like I am on this path, especially right now during our time of Sabbatical.  What does it mean to remain on this path regardless of place, job, or other responsibilities?  What I love about this call is that it deals with life now.  My focus is not on a reward that comes later.  Rather, it has affect on my life, and the lives of others, now.  I need this.

The second part of the book that relates quite a bit to some of what God is teaching me concerns how we go about “doing.”  This is very significant to me as I learn to separate my sense of value, being loved, and identity from what I accomplish.  In a sense, it’s basic and I would espouse and teach that.  But I am only BEGINNING to truly believe and live by this truth.  The author, also a vocational minister, relates that ever since becoming a Christian, he has been taught to give, love, minister, care.  This is what we are supposed to do, right?  So, he asks, why isn’t this working?  “Since we have been teaching and acting in our Christian churches to love others and to organize others and to organize our lives to love others, how curious, I thought, that polls report that non-Christians perceive Christians as not loving!  How can that possibly be?” (p. 240).  His answer speaks right to me.  We don’t really love because we don’t know how to receive.  In other words, we are not willing to let others affect us, especially in areas (like about God) that matter.  We like to give because givers are in control.  We bless because blessers are in control.  “To receive, on the other hand, means to lose something.  Everyone wants to teach and no one wants to learn.”

For me, I can only be in a position to receive when I don’t equate my value with what I do.  How could I?  If what I know, accomplish, and teach is what gives me my identity, how could I possibly take myself out of the driver’s seat?  And so, as I am learning (again) who I am (and am not), I can be with you and just be.  I can hear.  I can learn.  I can change.  Heck, I can RELATE without trying to fix you.  I want that, and am pretty sure that you do too.  So, when I am with you, I give you permission to check that.  Am I with you, or just trying to “help” you?  I feel like God is really teaching/changing me.  I hope you experience me more this way and invite you to let me know how I am doing.

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I find myself wrestling to accurately describe the rebirth taking place inside me, partially because these changes are unpredictable in how they works themselves out.

Sometimes, this renovation produces a violent internal reaction, coming out a projectile of sickness on myself and those around me.  Yes, it feels better to get it out.  But it still leaves a mess that must be cleaned up. Please forgive…
On other days, the process seems more like sacred incense – fragrantly twirling through the air – delightful aroma to all who walk into the room.  (I prefer this result)

I CAN tell you that this work, like God’s Spirit that provokes it, is indeed mysterious.  Perhaps, ultimately, this is why it is so difficult to describe.  My small words fail to capture the depth of Divine at work.  My limitations to articulate rightfully betray my finiteness.

Some days I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  There is hope, future, promise.  On other days, there is only now – full of joy, pain, tears, and laughter.  Such is this journey.

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Drastic change of pace from my last post, but you got to have fun too, right?

Like many other men around this fine country (including my brother Ed), I grew a beard during November.  Hey, I’m on sabbatical, so not shaving is definitely ok.  For a bulk of the time I went with the Abraham Lincoln/Mennonite Mafia/Afrikaner Nationalist style (below).  Please refer using whichever name is least offensive to you.

Now that the month is over, I have shaped it into the “Wolverine” – a big hit with Iain and the guy at the gas station tonight.  Basically some sweet chops.  Not sure how long this one will last (esp. since Melissa doesn’t like it), but it’s the look for now.

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A benefactor has offered to buy me some new casual/daily shoes. I have narrowed it down to 5 different shoes and would love your input. Here are the shoes (if you are reading on fb, i think you may need to follow the link to our blog to see the pics):

blue suede sambas. i dig these, but not sure about suede.

green superstars. probably the front-runners.

brown suede sambas.  i think i like the blue ones more.  again the suede issue…

gray cieros.  these ones are interesting.  a dark horse entry.

i like these, but probably slightly more dressy than i want

Which do you like for me?
Any write-in suggestions (adidas)?

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