Stewart 5

I’m learning to live better in the time/space between… aka “now.”  This is a strange place for me.  I tend to clarify and plan for what is ahead, then move toward that.  “Without a vision, the people perish.”  Generally, this is an acceptable practice.  However, I find that I can be too focused on what lies ahead, ignoring or minimizing the present (especially when it doesn’t fit with the future I see).  Further, it is easy for people to become secondary to plans.  Never my intention, but too common when I get so focused on the future that  achieving it becomes my only aim.

Part of what makes my sabbatical so good for me is the necessity to live in the now.  Yes, this time will end and we will move into the next season soon enough.  And yes, we will have to do certain things – even make a few plans – to begin the next adventure.  But for now, I am living where I am.  Spending lots of times with my wife and kids.  Seeing friends.  Reading.  Resting.  Getting caught up.  I believe all this and more will indeed prepare me for what’s next.  But I’m not doing all this SIMPLY TO GET READY, as if this is only a means to an end.  It is all good for what it is.

Hear me – I’m not just biding my time or waiting until something better comes along.  I am enjoying each day for what it is.  True, it’s not my dream place or situation.  But there is so much I CAN enjoy.  I am reminded of when Jesus ascended to heaven in Acts 1 and his disciples were looking into the sky where he had disappeared.  Two men in white (angels?) appeared to them and said, “men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky?”  In other words, get on with life.  Not because Jesus isn’t coming back.  He is.  But there’s a lot of life to be had in the meantime.  Don’t just wait around for the future to arrive.

Every day matters:

• a habit can change
• a word can lift someone’s spirits
• an accident can be prevented
• something big can be accomplished
• decisions can be made that affect everything else
• a million moments take place that will never come again

God wants us to live now.  Yes, there’s forever too.  But it doesn’t start when we die.  It’s starts now.

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Doing anything new with the start of 2010?  On one level, I am looking at this year as an opportunity to start everything new…. moving to a new city, loving my wife and children as if for the first time, new ministry.  But on the very specific level, I am committing to read the Bible through again during the year.

I am severely restricting the making of new plans for my life because I generally do that too much.  I make plans.  I have sets of plans, often overlapping.  I have so many plans that I take a stab at several and succeed at few.  And they are all good plans!  Then I feel bad that I am not following through with all my good plans…

Furthermore, I am realizing how much I lean toward always adding new things, never stopping negative things.  I have a friend who says that all of life is starting some things while stopping others.  The Bible describes this as putting off and putting on (Ephesians 4).  I like the putting on part – fits with planning.  Problem is, you can’t keep adding and adding without making room AND getting rid of the stuff you don’t want.  It’s like having a bucket with some sediment in the bottom, and thinking that if you keep adding more and more of what you want, it will push the bad stuff out.  It doesn’t work that way though!  You have to get that crap out – my mechanic calls this a system flush.  You can’t just keep adding radiator fluid.  At some point, you have to clean out the whole system to eliminate the dregs.

I know this, but I don’t do it enough.  I need to.  In a way, this is one of the things God is doing in my life during this sabbatical – helping me clean out all the junk.  Not just adding new good stuff, but doing the hard work of rooting/tearing out what needs to go.  Sometimes painful – yes.  But cleansing and good.  I think this is one aspect of “working out your salvation” as the Apostle Paul calls it (Philippians 2).  There is work to be done – work of making ourselves available to our loving God to change us.  And often this change means getting rid of the things that get between us, Him, and our destiny.

I see it with my children more easily than myself.  I can see what they need to stop doing in order to start doing the better thing.  I am learning to better identify this in myself, and respond to others who help me to do the same.  I am sad that this doesn’t come more naturally for me, or that I don’t more readily embrace the input of others.  God has put so many people into my life that can aid in the process, and I still seem to resist at times.  But I am growing.

I am also facing the disconcerting (frightening?) truth that the great joy in life I have always craved doesn’t come through my schemes, but through a much more simple, humble, unassuming life.  This would seem to require cleaning house, wouldn’t it?  So for now, this is what I am committed to.  Yes, God has put a few pictures into my mind, and I am excited about what is ahead.  But I am holding these loosely and avoiding working out all the specifics…. at least for now

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