Stewart 5

I spend LOTS of hours in two rooms today, both at the SA Department of Home Affairs in Pretoria.

The first is the room where you either turn in visa renewal forms or collect them when they are done.  There are two lines and three windows.  25% of the people who walk into the room try to walk straight up to one of the windows – passing everyone waiting in the queue.  I would say 60% stand in line for over an hour, only to reach the front and be told they needed to be in the OTHER line, which they will now stand in for an hour.  A full 75%+ begin or end up angry – at the people working there, at the process, at the confusing directions or lack thereof.  This is the angry room.  I would hate to work there, having to deal with angry people all day long.  Whose fault is it – the impatient customers, the indifferent or rude people at the counter, the department that can’t seem to give clear instructions or signage?  Yes!  I’ve done a little work with EQ and know that pissed off people basically emit their anger and it tends to spread to others around them.  I’m certain this takes place here.

The second room is the collection room.  After standing in line in the visa room, you might be fortunate enough to be told that your paperwork is ready for collection.  If this is the case, they don’t give it to you there at the window.  No, you are directed to go up two floor to the “collection room.”  After climbing the stairs, you have to sign in (not sure why, since it does not seem to be first-come-first-serve).  Then, after a while, a person comes and collects any paperwork, passports, etc. that need to be dealt with.  These are then taken to the back where officers process, stamp, fill out, etc.  Meanwhile, you wait, generally for hours.  My “favourite” part is that the people working there actually take lunch breaks and you have to stay there, on the outside chance that they call you.  This is the sleepy room.  Because you have nothing to do.  No tv.  You are already frustrated from standing in the first room, then being directed to the second.  At least you get to sit in this room.  Foolishly, you didn’t bring anything to do.  And, while there are actually windows here, often open, you can’t help but find yourself becoming hopelessly tired but unable to sleep.  By the time they call your name, you almost don’t notice or are somewhat confused because you’ve either forgotten why you’ve came or given up hope of ever being helped.

Today, I stood in the angry room for about 2 hours, then sat in the sleepy room for 5.  This makes for a long and tiring day – the power of two rooms.

Comments(2)

Our beautiful princess is 5 today.  What a joy!

We love you Mairin

Comments(3)

Which is harder…

Being alone

In your darkest, most difficult hour

or

In your most exciting moment of triumph

?

Comments(3)

I am cautious to identify too closely with Jesus (at least in writing).  Though I theologically believe we absolutely are meant to connect with Jesus – one could argue a primary purpose for his time on earth was to live the life we are meant to live – I know it makes some people a little nervous.  “Yes, but that was JESUS.”  Or, “You think you are suffering, think of Jesus…”  Yes.  Agreed.  But do you ever read his story and say to yourself, “I know exactly what that’s like”?  This has been one of those weeks.

Let me back up about 40 days.  Entering Lent, I really wanted to slow things down to make more time for prayer.  So, I adjusted my schedule and very intentionally went about some specific practices that I find helpful.  In general, this has been good.  I HAVE had more time for prayer.  I HAVE had good time with God, learned quite a bit, and generally feel alright about where we’re at.

But the rest of life seems to have become increasingly beyond my control.  I’ve been frustrated in slipping behind on much of what I’d like to get done.  I feel pulled in too many directions.  I’m even stuck in determining which roles and responsibilities are most important.  This past week, I pretty much hit the wall.  Fortunately, I had opportunity to talk with some friends about how I was feeling and determined to NOT grab too tight on the reins.  That’s what I do when I get stressed out – I spend at least 5 hours  reorganizing my schedule and adjusting my responsibilities to gain a sense of control.

Partially by volition and partially by circumstances, I didn’t do that this week.  Instead, I took a quick look at my to-do list, determined what was most important/had to happen, and did it.  Yes, I was still aware of all the things I wasn’t doing and probably wouldn’t get to.  I wish I could say I just put those all out of my mind.  But God was gracious with me in His strange way and kept me occupied with things enough that I couldn’t dwell on everything else too much.

Then, as we got to the later part of the week, I was hearing from others around me that they were feeling the same way.  Interesting, I thought this was MY problem.  Then I thought back to last year at this time and realized that I pretty much felt the same way then.  AND, so did others around me.  Now, part of this has to do with our NieuCommunities cycle.  This is the time of the year when life and commitments really begin to pick up.  On top of that, relationships within our community are reaching those interesting points of diving into conflict.  Further, we do a couple extra things for Holy Week, so the schedule also has a bit more than normal.  Overall, this leads to a busy feel about life.

Thank God for the aforementioned Holy Week.  On Friday morning I couldn’t help but think of Jesus and the week he was having!  Talk about having a few things going on around you.   Truly, my situations pale in comparison to what he was facing.  Did he feel out of control (like me)?  People everywhere, last days, big decisions, struggle.  How did he do it?

Enter the Holy Spirit.  The comforter, burning fire, whispering wind.  Jesus, I think, was in control to the extent of letting the Holy Spirit guide.  Does that make sense?  Jesus wasn’t OUT of control in the sense of being some God-controlled robot or simpleton.  BUT, he did listen and willingly allow God’s Spirit to show him what was best.  I think it was actually an upside-down show of strength [of character] to NOT force his own will, to not hold onto the reins too tightly.  He chose to trust God and blow the way of the Spirit.  Not my will, but yours be done…

To live neither in full control, nor out of control, but guided by the Spirit.  This is what I need.  To be in step with God’s Spirit anywhere near as much as Jesus was would be crazy, right?  And amazing.  I wonder if there’s also not a strange peace in that place?  I’d like to know, even a bit.  Holy Spirit, take me there – I need you to take me there.

O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me, for you do what is right.
Turn your ear to listen to me;
rescue me quickly.
Be my rock of protection,
a fortress where I will be safe.
You are my rock and my fortress.
For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.
Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,
for I find protection in you alone.
I entrust my spirit into your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.

-Psalm 31:1-5

Comments(2)

I’m coining a new phrase – the tyranny of the important. Feel free to toss it around, but reference me as the originator ;P

Everyone uses/feels the tyranny of the urgent.  All those things that “have” to be done right away.  Props to Stephen Covey for helping many of us sort through important/urgent/unimportant/not urgent.  And kudos if you manage to get things sorted and a bit under control.  If that’s you, you’re in the minority btw.

But what about when you have TOO MANY IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO? (not sure why I used all caps, but can’t go back now).  Any advice on that?  Just don’t do it?  I don’t think so.  “Redefine what is important.”  Ummm, yeah.  Tell your boss YOU decided which part of your job “isn’t that important.”   Or your wife: “sorry honey, I didn’t get to that today.  But you know, even though you asked me to do it, I decided it wasn’t that important.”  Hello couch bed.

Sure, there are those things that are important and not urgent.  The goal, of course, is to work on those before they are urgent and freaking you out.  I’ve yet to make this work well for me.  Again, that system assumes that some things are important, others are not.  Now you tell me – in ministry, what or who is unimportant?

Why yes, I am facing the tyranny of the important quite a bit these days.  In one sense, it’s great.  Everything I am involved in is of consequence.  I get to be part of things that matter.  On the other hand, there is no let up.  Most days, I feel like I am going from one major thing to another.  I don’t now about you, but this wears me out!

Jesus, how did you do it?  People always wanted your attention.  You seemed to be on the go most of the time.  I am so conscious of your last week in Jerusalem right now – you had so much going on!  I am sure that I only feel a bit of what you did, and I am barely holding on.  I am being buried by the important.  Spirit, you helped Jesus make it through.  I could use a little help here myself.

Comments(1)

Am I just old [school]?

I really prefer to write about my heart and reflect using my journal.  paper journal, with a pen.

I wonder why I can’t do this as well ob the computer.  Even when I write in my journal and then transfer thoughts and sentiments to my blog, something is lost.

Thoughts, ideas, comments, pithy observations, clever anecdotes – those I can do on the blog just fine.  But I don’t feel like my heart comes through very well.

Why do I struggle to convery my heart through this medium?  Is this true for anyone else?

(note: I wrote this down in my journal earlier in the day, and am now transcribing here)

Comments(3)