Stewart 5

Last week, a friend was asking why we have so much trouble receiving forgiveness. In watching a dvd today, it struck me that one reason many of us don’t take forgiveness well is that our consciences believe we must do something to merit forgiveness.  So, if someone simply loves and forgives, we struggle in accepting.

This is why religion is so popular – there is a part of us that wants to DO something to make our God happy with us.  We want some control in the equation.  We have a need to see causation – I am doing such and such, so I am meriting your favour.

The beauty of the Gospel, that I believe but struggle to live by at the deepest levels, is that God has already and continually reached out to me, most powerfully in Jesus.  God has not waited for us to “get right” or prove ourselves before extending His love and forgiveness.  He does not want our rituals or attempts at goodness.  I need not, can not, do ANYTHING to make God love me more than God does.  Certainly I can respond to this loving God.  But that is far different from trying to earn God’s love.

God loves me.  God loves you.  He has given His son as an act of ultimate loving sacrifice on our behalf.  Can we receive this forgiveness?  Can we direct our lives toward this loving God and seeking His presence in our world?  I’m trying…

May it be so today.

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There are times, maybe even lots of times, when I don’t help people (maybe even one of you).

I am not referring to times when I say I will do something but forget or put it off.  I am not referring to times when someone asks for something and for whatever reason, I say no.

I am talking about when I don’t feel any compulsion to help.  Interestingly, this seems to occur most often when:

• someone can’t be clear or specific about what they need
• I think the person should be able to take care of it themselves
• in my mind, they have brought the situation on themselves

In each of the above scenarios, there is some subconscious part of me that isn’t moved to compassion or motivated to do something.  I would also add that I definitely don’t like to clean up other people’s messes.

A recent conversation I was part of got me thinking about WHY.  Why don’t I always come to the aid of others?  After all, I am not particularly cruel, mean, or uncaring.  I believe it is good to help others.  So, I think the answers lies deep within, in the places that are beyond reason, but hold much sway over me.  The following may sound a little too pseudo-psychological to you, but bear with me.  Even if I don’t explain it well, there is something here…

First, there is some part of me that feels like I wasn’t helped or protected.  I am NOT making any sort of accusation against anyone, particularly my parents (hi mom, I know you are reading this).  I am not referring to anything specific.  Rather, I am referring to a FEELING.  We have all felt that we were alone, that no one cared, etc.  I have just had a few incidents that reinforced that in my mind.  Again, I am talking about my perception, so not blaming anyone.  Actually, I think these are lies from God’s enemy, who comes in times, or after incidents, and accuses, saying “where was God, where was anyone, you are alone…”  Lies.  But they get embedded deep in us.

Connected to this is that for a long time, I’ve felt the need to clean up my own messes.  Part of this goes with the above – who else is going to do it?  Also, there is some part of me that believes this even about God – that I must fix myself.  Obviously, that is the role of Jesus, not me.  But like I said, I am talking about subconscious thoughts.  In both of these cases, my perception is that I have taken care of myself, and so should you.  I would NEVER say this, but it goes on in my heart, resulting in NOT helping.

Add to this the fact that I am reasonably capable.  So, if I can handle a situation like this, why can’t you?  Do you REALLY need help?  Sounds cruel when I say it like that, and again, it’s not rational.  At this point, I would like to add that I DO help people most of the time!  But I also know that too often I have let people down by not helping.

Fortunately, God has brought all of this to my attention, and does not condemn. He just asks that I sit with Him, consider, and let Him change me.  A friend has prayed specifically with me through these issues and I believe God has broken any sort of blockage in this area.  Doesn’t mean it’s all gone away, but it doesn’t hold power over me anymore.  This friend also felt that connected to this and some other things God was going to start speaking to me in dreams (I don’t generally dream that much, and never remember them).

Sunday night, I had a dream… with friends in a car, another car pulled up and was hassling one of the people in our car.  Things escalated and all of the people in our car got out to confront the other people.  This is where the dream ended (really, could it have gone farther – I am a pacifist after all).  I feel that this dream was significant.  I think God was saying to me that He is changing the deep parts of me that don’t help others when they need.  I think it came in a dream so I couldn’t dismiss or argue with God about it.

I have also been able to apologize to a few people for not having helped them when they needed.  Each has responded with forgiveness and I have already seen and felt healing.

May God continue to make my heart like His.

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“God’s heart is broken for this world and He has given each of us a unique piece of it.  That’s why we all have a different burden for minsitry that we are meant to steward in God’s Kingdom.”

- Hal Burke

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When I was in college, I took a class on the Gospel of John.  It was one of my favourite classes – partially because the professor was fantastic, and partially because that book is fantastic.  I’ve always loved John’s Gospel and find myself returning to it regularly.  A few Friday’s ago, we did an imaginative reading of John 9:1-12.  We read the story of Jesus’ encounter with a man who had been born blind, placing ourselves in the story.

Basics of the story:

• In coming across a man born blind, Jesus’ disciples ask him about the cause of his blindness.  Was it because the man or his parents sinned?  Apparently the prevailing thought was that a condition like blindness was caused by sinful behaviour.  Seem silly?  Pretty sure we’re still trying to figure out WHY things happen, and make false attributions all the time.
• Jesus says that neither the man or parents sinned.  It has happened so God’s work might be displayed in his life.  What??  How can God’s glory be seen in a blind beggar?  And what is God waiting for?
• Jesus spits on the ground, makes mud, puts it on the man’s eyes, and tells him to go to the Pool of Siloam to wash it off (interesting technique).
• The man does, and he can see!

Jesus, you are amazing.  You cut through the superstition and speak truth.  You show your power and the healing available in God’s Kingdom.  I know all this.

But something that struck me from our reading this time through is that like in many other episodes in John, Jesus is demonstrating what he is saying.  Seems like people always wonder why Jesus used the mud as part of the man’s healing.  How about this…  Jesus, in effect, is saying that GOD made the man blind.  He acts this out by putting mud on his eyes.  God has covered your eyes with blindness.  I am covering your eyes with mud.

Why?  So the work of God might be displayed in the man’s life.  Go and wash, and see.  And as you see, THE REST OF US SEE GOD’S GLORY.

I think this is also a case where Jesus is clearly showing that he is God.  If God made the man blind (remember, he was born this way, it was not due to accident or illness), then only God could make him see.  Jesus frees the man to see.  If this healing displays GOD’S glory, and Jesus was the one who healed, then Jesus is God.

I pray: Jesus, you are indeed the light of the world.  You shine loving light into our darkness.  I have so many dark places.  You help us to see what is real, what is true.  Take away my blindness, I want to see.

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In contemporary society, our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds.  If he can keep us engaged in “muchness” and “manyness,” he will rest satisfied.  Psychiatrist Carl Jung once remarked, “Hurry is not of the Devil, it is the Devil.”  If we hope to move beyond the superficialities of our culture, including our religious culture, we must be willing to go down into the retreating silences, into the inner world of contemplation.

- Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

I think that in principle, most of us agree with the above. So…

How do you break out of the satanic pace of our world and make time to rest with God?  Let’s help one another by sharing what is working!

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Got around to updating my links.  Added:

• Tyler Savage – wasn an apprentice with NCSA.  Now part of forming a missional community in Germany.
• 2009 NCSA apprentices – Adrienne Mickler, Chris Kamalski, Curtis Love, Melanie Lorenz
• Old Jews telling jokes – hilariously jokes on tuesdays and thursdays
• Tim Brown – friend in CA
• Tony Jones – was the coordinator of Emergent US.  Good mind, insights, questions
• Julie Clawson – probably my favourite blogger right now.
• Christine Sine – as in Mustard Seed Associates.  Not to be confused with her husband Tom

Hey, I like these, you might as well.  Check out the links, possibly subsribe yourself.

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Was part of a great book discussion today on David Bosh’s crazy-good, often referred to, yet under appreciated Transforming Mission.  Bosch’s book is one of those that for some reason I have never got around to reading – until now.  So glad I am.  Beyond the reading, the discussions look like they will be both fun and challenging.  It’s nice to talk with a bunch of people who have hearts that resonate, and “get” one another.  So, we can dive deeper than just discussing theological/philosophical concepts to why and how it matters for our lives.  I think that just maybe we will find some ways to put parts into practice together as well.   Tom, Cobus, and Chris have written about this conversation/their thoughts.  I am sure that   Sure Joe will as well (especially since I just called him out).

So much that I would like to comment on, but I’ll save for other posts.  For now, maybe just a quote from the end of the chapter we were discussing.  I didn’t get a chance to say anything in our group, so here’s my chance…

In discussing the ways in which the early church participated in living signs of the Kingdom, Bosch maintains that they did so in a manner consistent with Jesus.  However, they failed in at least 3 ways.  First, the early church too quickly established what separated themselves from others rather than their calling and responsibility toward these others.  Second, the movement turned into an institution.  Third, the growing church marginalized the Jews (those from whom they were birthed).  Those of you who have studied organizations know that these are pretty common in the life cycle of any movement.  We always wonder how to influence the process so that institutionalization/fossilization doesn’t take place in some inevitable fashion.  I would dare say that this has happened with the emerging church in the USA (but Tony, I think you have wisely and subversively multiplied influence by deconstruction, perhaps preempting the process? – yet another blog post I should write).

Then Bosch throws in this little nugget that has left me thinking a lot: “Very few people can be both at the periphery and at the center at the same time.  And even if they do manage that, they usually do so only for a very short while” (52).  Crap!  We’re trying so hard to be a church for all people.  A place where homeless and affluent rub shoulders, where radical discipleship is the norm, not the exception.  Are you saying we can’t live on the edge and in the middle of society?

Bosch is right, I think.  All my years (oh so many years, at that) seem to point that way.  You choose to live on the edge or at the center.  Lots of young, excited, or naive people get started on the fringes.  What usually happens over time?  They get sucked toward the middle.  They become jaded, disenchanted, tired of fighting the system, or just plain selfish.  The middle has a strong pull, doesn’t it?  But I repeat: YOU CAN CHOOSE TO LIVE ON THE EDGE OR AT THE CENTER.

The edge is scary, risky, exciting, unknown, and the place of miracles because God is needed.  It’’s real reality, the “thin place” where heaven and earth come close together.  It’s the place of angels and demons.  It’s where we see God’s Kingdom coming.  It’s where I want to be.  If I must choose between the periphery and center, I choose the edge.

I choose the edge.

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In talking about how we parent our children, John Coe says that our primary responsibility is not to disciple our children. Rather, it is to model the love of God to them. Obviously, these are not mutually exclusive goals. However, which is our primary mode of operation? I know that as one who teaches, discipling my children comes to mind first when I think of parenting. But I think that love more easily leads to discipleship than the other way around, don’t you?

I have committed to loving my children better this year, so, I started to think more about what the love of a father can look like. How can I love my children in a way that models God’s love? I thought of:

• time
• affirmation
• challenge
• fun
• dreaming
• forgiveness
• unconditional with regards to achievement
• loving even when/especially when they have fallen short

Not an exhaustive list, but a good start! But I know myself enough to know that these are all CONCEPTS. I need to make them more tangible if I am to put them into actual practice, which is obviously my goal. So, I then started jotting down examples of what each of these could look like – little pictures and stories. Something like:

TIME:
coming home early from work to be with you, taking you to practice and watching from the sideline, listening to your story about school today, cuddling in the hammock, watching the sunset or staring at the stars together

I can do those! What if I decided that this week, I will do one of those with each of my children? To you, that may sound small and highly pragmatic. But I know that if I’m not intentional, I am less likely to do it. Plus, doing small is better than not doing, right? Of course, this has the potential of becoming habit, and spawning more and more ideas. And in the process, I think it will be good for my own heart and soul, not just theirs. They win, I win, God wins.

So, here’s where you can help. I would love your ideas/suggestions. Partially because I am lame at these sorts of things. Also because I think there are lots of you out there with great ideas So, I would like to take them one at a time over the next few blog posts.

First up, what are some examples, stories of your own success, or ways that I can love my children by giving them TIME? I’m looking for concrete things here, not general categories. PLEASE COMMENT WITH AS MANY THINGS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST. I appreciate your help.

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You are my best friend.  It is your birthday and I am on the other side of the earth.

I love you.  Happy birthday.

Thanks Busi for this song.  Thanks Chris for the video.

Busi’s Song from Chris Kamalski on Vimeo.

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the 40 days leading up to Easter.  Symbolic of Jesus’ 40 days in the desert, fasting them tempted by the devil.

In the Church, it is a time of preparation.  Sobriety as we consider the life then death of Jesus.  As such, it is often marked by special observances like fasting, additional prayer, and giving.  Sacrifice from the gracious heart.

Our community spent some time last week considering and praying about how WE might focus ourselves in this season.  Some words/ideas that God gave us:

• refocus
• remind
• busyness.  examining.  why do we do what we do? doing the right things. simplicity of time. making room. creating space for…
• daily “stop” together
• i don’t want your empty sacrifices.  listening and responding to God.
• giving.  spring cleaning. our whole selves. sacrifice. examination
• fight for one another’s hearts. care for one another’s hearts.

This week we will decide on specific steps.

For myself, I am hoping to clear my life of a bit of the clutter that takes up space that could be given to God.  So, I will not do any email in the evenings (I normally do personal email after the kids go to bed).  Rather, I’d like to have more time for prayer, reading, and conversation with Melissa – all places God tends to speak to me.  Not surprisingly, I find myself wondering how I will get to all my emails.  And this makes me a bit anxious, which pretty much leads me to believe that this is exactly the thing I should be doing.  It’s not just “giving up” because of some sense of guilt obligation.  Rather, it’s an opportunity to let God shape me like I desire to be shaped.

May this season be full of Jesus for me and you.

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