Stewart 5

i struggled with the best word to use at the end of the title above

We began our spiritual practices yesterday.  Each year, our community engages in various spiritual practices/disciplines together to better position ourselves to let God work in our lives.  We listened to a cd of part of a lecture by John Coe, the director of the Institute of Spiritual Formation.  Coe is speaking about resisting the temptation of “moral formation.”  The basic premise is that when we are faced with our sin/failure, we are tempted to perfect ourselves through our own efforts to relieve our feelings of guilt and shame.  We try to be “good people” – generally by our own efforts (instead of relying on Jesus, the one who actually has/can overcome).  This is some pretty good stuff on how self-powered much of religious life can be.

Problem is, I don’t relate.  I walked out of our time wondering what God might want to say to me, since I don’t think this temptation is a great one for me.  Fortunately, God was ready to talk!  See, when I am faced with my wrong or failure, I don’t try to “do better.”  I simply deny or hide.  I don’t try to use effort to get better.  Of course, this is also not a good position!  I was thinking about WHY I don’t try to “be better” like Coe is talking about?  I thought of a few things:

1. I believe theologically that I am a saint who nevertheless sometimes falls short of bearing the Image of God in me.  In other words, I don’t start out believing I am a “sinner” by nature.  We can talk about original sin in another post..
2. I believe in and have experienced spiritual practices as connectors to God, not just means to making myself better.
3. I am far too ok letting walls exist between me and others and thinking I can hide with my crap

As a result, I generally keep people at a distance.  Those who get too close my see the crap.  Or, I let people see my pretty parts, disctracting them from seeing the dirt in the corner.  I’m really good at this (or at least I think I am).  I believe God is/will work on all that junk, but I don’t want other people touching it.

In spending time with this, I began to wonder if maybe God wants to use other people – the ones I try to hide from or distract – to help me?  Will I have the courage to either let people see the crap or acknowledge the crap they see and I don’t want them to see?  God, could this be a key to freedom from those dark places I keep so hidden?  I’ts hard for me to imagine living this way, but what might happen?

Please pray for me as I step into this better way.

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I just finished reading Called Out of Darkness by Anne Rice.  You may know her from her “vampire books,” but this is entirely different.  This book is her autobiographical faith journey, and it is wonderful (the book and the journey)!

I won’t recount the book here (it’s a fast read, so pick it up yourself), but I will say that Anne is a terrific writer and vividly captures the images and memories, especially of her early years.  As she says in her book, her faith was not of words.  Rather, it was symbols, pictures, and sights.  She describes walking to church, attending the mass, her feelings of love and conversations with Jesus in such detail that you feel like you were there.  Even if you are not catholic, I think the weight of her memories will resonate with you.

The end of her book is powerful.  I nearly cried reading her account of returning to her faith, and her deep commitment to Christ.  She loves him and has turned all of her attention and efforts to him.  Her devotion is evident and inspiring.  I love her honesty – she hasn’t got everything figured out, but she believes and responds.

A must read.

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Over the past years, I have discovered that I love to connect God in “traditional” ways.  Incense, candles, and liturgy all remind me of the majesty of mystery of God.  They also make me feel connected to other believers world-wide in worship.  Thank to my friend Myra Perrine for helping me put words and practice to this unique way God has created me.

I have especially come to appreciate praying the hours.  This basically entails, in sometimes varying form, praying at set times during the day.  Different traditions (Orthodox, Catholic, Anglican, etc.) each have their way of honoring this tradition.  Last year, I got turned on to The Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle.  She has organized set prayers for 4 times of day: morning, midday, vespers (evening), and the night office.  Each time has psalms, prayers, and scripture to be read.  If you are a little wary of “scripted prayers,” let me say that it is also liberating to get to be immersed in so much scripture!

I’ve begun reading this with several friends around the globe.  Each has reported that it has been very helpful to pray with more regularity and speaking out scripture.  As we’ve begun our 2009 NCSA apprenticeship, I think a few may join us in regularly praying this way together.  I love that I can join friends in prayer this way.  Wonder if you’d also like to do this with us?  The books are easy to get (there are 3 books for the year) and pretty inexpensive.  let me know if you’re interested or if you haev questions.

You might also enjoy a website we created last year that posts prayers and creeds that you can say on a daily basis.  Easy to subscribe!

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A couple of us have decided to fast on Sunday for Zimbabwe.  We may continue in weeks to come.  Would love for you to join us and encourage others to do the same.

As we fast, we pray Isaiah 58:5-12

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

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