well, this has come up in 3 conversations in the past 3 days, so thought I would share with you a few things God has been teaching me about relationships:
- If I have an issue with someone, I need to do something about it. Don’t ignore it or pretend/hope it will go away. Don’t have to say everything I think the second it crosses my mind, but give it a day and if it is still bothering me, do something. This sounds so easy and obvious, but it’s hard for me. God, give me wisdom and courage to say what I feel.
- If someone has a problem with me, and they are an adult, is is their responsibility to bring it to me.
- I can do a better job creating space/safety/invitation for people to approach me when they have an issue with me. Apparently, I can come across as unapproachable or scary. Go figure. And, different people need to be given permission in different way.
- When people bring something to me that I think is unimportant or petty, I can’t just ignore it. This is what I generally do, attempting to communicate what I think by my lack of response. Turns out this doesn’t work. Rather than ignoring or rejecting, I need to acknowledge and say why I don’t think it’s worth a response. Then, we can at least talk about why they think it’s something and I don’t.
- For someone as intelligent as I am, I’m pretty retarded when it comes to relationships. Sorry to everyone. I’m trying…
Arthur – Thanks for sharing. This is the kind of thing that people know on some level but not in a clear way because on some level we don’t want to know, because if we do then we are obligated to act, which means we would have to be vulnerable, and that’s never fun.
And, I am so with you regarding your comment, “This sounds so easy and obvious, but it’s hard for me.”
I’m totally the same when it comes to issues. We just had our US Staff Conference in Oregon this past week. The book we were supposed to read for it was “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality”. I think you would really like it. Charlie and I are still processing and are hoping we can deal with deeper things in us by working through the workbook!
Me too – I’m terrified of you!
No, not really…