Stewart 5

Today, I am faced with something new and difficult. I apologized to someone close to me for something I had done that hurt them, and they didn’t accept. This has to do with the depth of the hurt, my own history of bad actions toward them, and my general inability to do better than I do. So, despite my apology and expressed desire to be different toward them, they appreciated my sentiments, but didn’t receive the apology.

Would you pray for me, pray for us? I’m not sure where to go from here - don’t want to gloss over the situation, don’t want to try to “prove my apology,” don’t want to assume I’ve fulfilled my responsibility. I’m at a loss…

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This is an amazing finish - both to the Premiership & Champion’s League!

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How about this one… If you are like me and tend to define yourself by what you do, why not do less?

Shock.  Faint.  I can hear you fall on the floor from here.  “But I love what I do.”  Me too.  But just because you CAN do something doesn’t always mean you SHOULD.

I understand this is one of those “swing the pendulum really far the other way” type approaches.  I know this because even though I think it’s a good idea, at the end of the day I haven’t decreased what I am doing.  This has become a must for me because the “to do” list never goes away.  It will never go away.

Part of me takes great comfort in having things to do.  Part of me longs for the freedom to just live (and btw, do along the way).  Heck, when I really think about it, half the things I do aren’t all that significant anyway.

I submit the following piece of scripture which haunts me, partially because I know it is true and has the potential to be liberating.  Partially because it pierces me for the truth it speaks of my own heart:

What do you benefit if you gain the whole world, but lose your own soul?  Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:26

Is anything worth more than your soul?  What is the cost of doing everything you do (and most of us are far from “gaining the whole world” through our many efforts)?  Is it worth it?

Undoing the do-er #1: Do less.

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For the first time, my son Arthur (my 9 year old son) knew something that I didn’t.

child: “Do you know what a blue moon is?”
me: “Uh, when the moon looks like it is blue????”
child: “No, it’s when there is more than one full moon in the same month”
me: “Really? Impressive”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_moon

so, explains the expression “once in a blue moon” for something rare (like two full moons in one month). don’t get me wrong, i’m glad to have learned something new today. just not ready to learn it from my eldest child.

This is where it all goes downhill…

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As per popular request (well, it was only one person, but they requested strongly), I am finally getting around to posting something of substance from my recent solitude retreat…

So, pretty much everyone knows I am a “do” machine.  In some ways, it’s ok - it’s how I am wired.  In some other ways, it’s a sickness, driving me to always set to task, sometimes simply to accomplish ANYTHING.  As I’ve wrestled with separating myself from what I do, I have come to learn a lot about myself.  One thing I have come to realize is that I desire to not define myself by what I do.  Rather, I want what I do to flow from who I am.  See the important distinction?

Henri Nouwen says that believing “I am what I do” is one of the three main things that keeps us from believing we are God’s beloved.  So, instead of accepting that God loves us, we strive to prove and earn God’s love by accomplishing for His sake.

Oddly, I don’t believe this lie because of what anyone else says.  It’s not that I hear friends, family, or coworkers telling me i must DO.  No, it is ME that says that - much more difficult to counteract!  And, I logically know this isn’t true.  But, the untruth lies embedded deep in my heart, resistant to being rooted out.

So dear readers, what do I do?  How can I embrace the truth that I am God’s beloved simply because He loves me?   I need not earn this love.  I don’t have to prove my “lovability” - to God or anyone else.  I have some thoughts, which I will share.  But waht would you suggest?  Again, I don’t need Bible verses.  I know those - at least in my mind

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Sometimes I forget that many of the things we do in NieuCommunities, though completely normal to us, are out of the ordinary for others - even other Christians.   Case in point: solitude retreats.

We find it absolutely necessary to make time to be alone with God.  Some like to spend this time in silence.  Others like to process.  Some need a walk in the woods.  Whether you are introverted or extroverted, you need time alone with God - to listen, to talk, to dream.

While this is true for everyone, there are some things about our life that makes it particularly important:

• living in community
• being in a cross-cultural setting
• the overwhelming amount of physical need around us

We all pretty much agree on the importance of solitude. But apparently, others haven’t integrated this into their normal rhythm.  This is evidenced by the general state of anxiety most people live in AND two of the reactions I got as I told people I was taking a retreat for the weekend.

Response 1: “I hope you find what you are looking for.” [well, time with God...]
Response 2: “What are you trying to run away from?” [people???]

Actually, just trying to get some concentrated with God.  Is that so strange???

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Last weekend, I took a 2-day solitude retreat.  My hopes were to be alone, have some quiet, read, pray, and think. I plan to write a bit about what/how God was speaking, but thought I would start this set of posts by telling you about the place.  It all begins with a story…

Near the end of 2005, two of our apprentices discovered a souvenir shop near the Hartbeespoort Dam.  This is the area that we go to and take others for African souvenirs.  But, many don’t like the hassle of bartering, standing in the sun for hours, etc.  So, this shop that Deric & Amber found seemed like a God-send.  It’s is owned and run by a family.  They take credit cards.  They have a building.  They have EVERYTHING.

If you have bought souvenirs while being with us over the past few years, you have been to Just Africa.  We’ve developed a good relationship with the family, particularly me with the husband, Asharaf.  They’ve given us really great deals, particularly because we come in so often and sometimes buy in bulk (like the drums for the recent NieuCommunities Conference).  They’ve even returned items that our shoppers have left at their store (sweaters, journals) on previous trips.

Asharaf and I have been talking for a while about having lunch together.  Then, the last time I was in the shop, he mentioned that he had bought another house, and if I even needed a place to stay, let him know.  So, when I needed a place to stay for this retreat, I called him and he said yes!

So, that’s where I stayed Friday - Sunday.  I wish I had taken my camera, because it was great.  Not fancy great, but ideal for a retreat.  It’s surrounded by trees and there is a herd of springbok who saunter buy several times per day.  Also, it was semi-furnished: table & chairs, kitchen stuff, beds, etc.  But, bare enough to save me from distractions.  And, it’s in one of my favourite nearby out-of-town spots - Hartbeespoort.

Thank God for friends with extra houses :)  More on the retreat itself in the next few days…

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Would love for all of you to consider this - great opportunity to seek God’s Kingdom.  Please pass on the info as well…

The Pentecost Project is an experiment towards a more true and loving economy. Recently, the U.S. Congress passed an economic stimulus package that the President then signed. Beginning in May, most Americans will receive a rebate check that they are being encouraged to go out and spend in order to stimulate America’s sagging economy.

What if, instead of becoming greater consumers, we encouraged people to move towards an even better economy, an economy of abundance? What if, instead of accumulating more stuff, we encouraged people to give things away? What if, instead of the possibility of making a down payment and opening new credit, we encouraged people to pay down their debt?

Why the connection to Pentecost? On the day of Pentecost, after the Spirit descended on the apostles, and after Peter’s fiery preaching and the conversion of 3,000 people from all nations and races, the book of Acts goes on to tell us,

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47, NIV)

Later, in the 4th chapter, we learn,

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need. (Acts 4:32-35, NIV)

In this Spirit, we undertake the Pentecost Project: invest in others, share possessions, reduce debt.

http://pentecostproject.wordpress.com/

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Why would someone want to “capture a thought”?
Where would the thought be going anyway?
And even if it were to make a break for it, would that be a bad thing?
seems a little controlling if you ask me.

I want my thoughts to run wild.
I want my thoughts to blossom.
I want my thoughts to burst into flame.
I want my thought to take me to undiscovered lands.

please don’t try to capture my thought.

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